Page 76 of One Little Kiss
I blink at the resignation in his tone and replay what he’d said. What I’d said…
What I hadn’t said.
“No, it’s not that.” I shake my head. “I’m not…I’m not worried about that.”
I look over and he casts me a quick, searching look.
“I just…” I throw my hands up as I try to explain. “I want things to go back to how they were.”
It’s the wrong thing to say and I can see it in his face, in his eyes, in the way his hands clench on the steering wheel.
“I want us to go back to before,” I say again, as if I really mean it.
And I do…
Don’t I?
I turn to face straight ahead. “Or maybe…maybe I want it all, but I can’t…I can’t have that.”
“What do you mean?” His voice is low and he doesn’t try to hide his frustration.
I open my mouth and close it. I shouldn’t have said anything at all. But I’ve said too much and now I have to figure out how to explain without leading him on or hurting his feelings.
I wet my lips and swallow convulsively as my thoughts flit about from one dangerous thought to another.
Trying to explain is like walking through a minefield. One wrong move and I’ll destroy our friendship for good.
“I don’t want to end up like my mom!” I blurt.
It sounds so ridiculous I think we both blink in shock.
I feel his gaze on my face as he glances over, and after a beat, he draws out the word, “Okaaay.”
“I mean…” Heat floods my cheeks and guilt nips at my insides. “I love my mom, but she’s content to let guys just…take care of her. She’s actually proud of the fact that she’s a trophy wife and she thinks I should aim to follow in her footsteps.”
I can’t even look at Elijah right now because it’s humiliating to admit any of this aloud. I mean…I don’t think any of it is news to him. He’s known me forever. My family too. But it’s still kinda the worst to have to admit that your parents don’t think you’re cut out for anything more than looking good on some guy’s arm.
“And so you went out with some idiotic frat boy who might have gotten you killed to…what?” He spears me with a glance. “To prove them right?”
My lips part in shock at his sharp tone. “No, I…no. I only went out with him to…”
To get over you.
To forget about our kiss.
“To what, Noelle?”
I swallow hard…and wuss out. “To distract myself, I guess.”
His expression is blank when he meets mine. “Uh huh.”
I look away. “But my point is…I can’t not be friends with you, Elijah. I need you in my life and I can’t be that girl with you—”
“What girl?”
Tears are stinging my eyes because Elijah always knows without me having to say.
So, why is he making me say this?
