Page 8 of Getting the Grinder
She trails behind as I carry Noodle to the living room. Darling follows, then walks up the ramp at the end of the sectional so he can watch me clean up while lying on the couch.
“They needed a vacation from you, didn’t they?” I hold up a chunk of Suki’s giant aloe plant, which is oozing aloe from the tooth marks all over it.
He rests his head between his front feet, huffing out a tired-sounding sigh.
“I can’t keep up with you guys. We’re gonna have to work something out, man.”
When I finish cleaning up the dirt and torn-up shoots from the aloe plant, I flop down next to Darling and look over at the plant. It’s mangled. Suki won’t be happy.
Darling scoots closer to me, struggling to move his bulk. He puts his head in my lap and I scratch behind his ears.
“Just please don’t get the shits from whatever you ate. We’ll have movie night tonight, but I’m not watching Babe.”
He huffs, and I could swear he knows what I’m saying. The girls watch the movie Babe with him all the time, and while I’ve never caught it from start to finish while over here, I’ve seen parts of it enough that I know it well.
I order steamed chicken and vegetables from a local Chinese place on my phone, and just as I’m hitting the button to pay for it, I smell something.
When I glance up, I see that Noodle just took a big shit on the floor. I look at Darling, who’s smiling.
“Why did I agree to this?” I mutter. “I could have hired someone and enjoyed my break. I could be out on a date with Kelsey right now. She likes it in the ass, man. No strings. Just dinner and sex and see ya next time.”
I get up to gather what I need to clean up the mess, stopping when I lock eyes with Mara. She’s standing between me and the kitchen, arms crossed, scowling.
“This may come as a shock, but Kelsey’s faking. She had high hopes that a pro athlete manwhore would know how the clit works, but sadly, that athlete is you.”
I groan. “What the fuck are you doing here? Did your broom break down?”
She rolls her eyes. “You’ve used that one more than once, but who’s surprised? You probably can’t even spell IQ.”
Dressed in a black cardigan and pants with a gray shirt that comes all the way up to her neck, she just needs a pointy hat and a wart on her nose to complete her snarky witch look.
I continue my walk into the kitchen, glaring at her as I pass. “Seriously, why are you here? I’m already watching a pig and two dogs, there’s no room for a pissed-off cat.”
“Suki asked me to check on some of her plants.”
I groan, picking up a roll of paper towels from the counter. “Make it quick.”
“What happened to that plant? And why are you letting the dogs shit on the floor?”
“Jesus fuck, can I have the number of just one dude who has fucked you, so I can ask him how he managed to stay hard with you nagging at him with that voice?” I make a dramatic face and imitate her voice. “Why are you thrusting like that? You’re doing it wrong. I never gave you permission to enjoy this.”
She looks stunned for just a second before scoffing and shaking her head. “You run your mouth a lot for someone who doesn’t know shit.”
I bend to scoop up the liquid puppy shit, which she probably enjoys watching me do. “Do you need directions to the plants?”
“Have you been taking the dogs out?”
I stand and turn to face her, my blood pumping with anger. “Do you want to do it? I can leave if you feel like you need to take over.”
“I have to work. But I don’t want Suki and Carter coming home to a destroyed house.” She picks Noodle up and kisses his head.
No one bugs me like Mara does. She has a superiority complex and is about as nurturing as a cactus. I need to be the mature one and not fall into the traps she sets to annoy me.
“Look, I didn’t plan on taking care of a pig, a dog and a puppy, and it’s been a shit show at times. I can’t get Darling to go into his crate and I’m taking both dogs out once an hour.”
She wrinkles her nose and holds the puppy out in front of her. “He smells like shit.”
A choking, gagging sound draws my attention to the couch. Darling’s sitting there, a giant pool of puke in front of him on the couch.
