Page 63 of Getting the Grinder
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“I can’t just sit here.” I get up from a couch in Carter’s living room and pace to the other side of the room. “There has to be something we can do.”
“All we can do is wait,” Suki says for the third time in the past twenty minutes.
It’s been two hours since Suki called to tell me Mara’s boss reached out to her, as Mara’s emergency contact, to tell her Mara is missing.
Not officially, but the cops know something’s wrong because of the threat from Drake and the fact that no one’s been able to reach her since she left to take a work file somewhere.
Why the fuck would her boss let her leave the courthouse by herself like that? She’s supposed to be getting escorted from her car and back to it again every day. If I had known she’d be alone in a parking deck, I would’ve been there.
“Do you think you can eat something?” Bash asks me.
“No, I can’t fucking eat!” I roar, my worry and anger boiling over. “Sorry. I just?—”
“Don’t apologize, brother.” Bash comes over and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You can punch me in the face if it’ll make you feel better.”
Dex took Olivia, Charlotte and Hattie out for dinner at Harry’s restaurant because Carter and Suki wanted to shield them from what’s going on with Mara. Carter, Suki, Bash and Lainey are waiting with me, and I know it’s hard for all of us.
“I should be out there looking for her,” I say.
“Looking where, though?” Carter says. “We don’t know where she is.”
My chest gets tight as I imagine what could be happening to Mara right now. My Mara. Our relationship developed unconventionally, but I’m all in. I’ve never been happier. Instead of feeling like a broken man hiding from himself, I feel like a whole man.
I don’t know how to handle her being in danger. My chest pain worsens and I sit down, pressing a palm to my chest and taking a few deep breaths.
“You okay?” Lainey asks.
“I don’t ... I can’t ...” I breathe harder, struggling to find breath.
Carter kneels in front of me. “Slow down your breathing, Leo. Take a nice deep breath through your nose and out through your mouth.”
I try, but when I imagine some crazed maniac putting his hands on Mara, the pain intensifies and I double over.
“Whoa,” Carter says. “Let’s get him lying down.”
Carter and Bash each take a side, awkwardly trying to get me to lie down. I’m so big that it’s a struggle.
“My meds,” I manage. “I need my meds.”
“Where are they?” Lainey asks.
“In my car.” I groan, the pain intensifying. Maybe this really is a heart attack. “The console. Atarax.”
“Get his car keys,” Suki says.
Bash digs them from my pocket, my vision starting to blur. I fight to get a breath into my lungs.
“Leo, listen to me,” Carter says. “Slow. Slow your breathing.”
“We need to call for an ambulance,” Bash says.
“No,” I manage, panting out a breath. “Anxiety.”
Carter takes my hand and puts it on his chest. “Feel my breathing and follow it. In through your nose ... good. Now out. Slowly.”
My chest still burns, but I feel the rise and fall of his chest, not thinking of anything but following it. I can’t get sent to the hospital right now. Not when Mara needs me to be strong.
