Page 34 of Getting the Grinder
I bristle with anger. “Fuck.”
Quickly closing the distance between us, I put my arms around her. She resists for a second before going limp in my arms, crying harder now.
“You can’t blame yourself.”
She just cries for a full minute, then presses her palms to my chest and pushes herself back several inches, looking up at me. “I don’t know if I can do this job. And I couldn’t do the last one either, so ...” She laughs sadly. “Guess I’m fucked.”
“Of course you can do this job. They’re damn lucky to have you.”
She shakes her head, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. “Look at me. I’m not supposed to be a mess over something like this.”
“It’s because you care. A lot better you than some suit who doesn’t give a shit.”
She looks away. “I was taking a soft approach, but you know me. I’m about as soft as a battle-ax.”
That makes me smile. “Yeah, but how effective would a feather battle-ax be? You have to be tough to prosecute criminals.”
She almost smiles. It’s something. “I work in traffic court, Leo. My cases aren’t even felonies.”
“Then what were you doing talking to this woman today?”
“My boss is having me learn a little bit about domestics. Those are felonies.”
“You must be doing a good job with the traffic stuff, then.”
She sighs heavily. “I wanted to convince her so fucking bad. I wanted to help her so she could have her baby in a safe place and break the cycle of violence.”
“She has to choose it for herself. You offered her a hand, but it’s up to her whether or not to take it.”
“There’s no case without her.” She looks miserable. “He just walks free and gets to do it again.”
Though my job doesn’t compare to hers because of the real-world stakes in a case like this, I offer her the advice Dr. Laudner has given me for dealing with a shitty performance in a game.
“Think of an amount of time you’re going to let yourself feel bad about this. After that, move forward.”
She exhales heavily. “I guess tonight. Until I fall asleep. I’m out of wine, so I can’t drown my sorrows.”
“You sure you don’t want to come in?”
She furrows her brow. “No. Suki will want to talk about it and tell me I’m amazing, and I don’t want to hear it. She means well, but ... not tonight.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Just cover for me with Suki.”
“Hey.” I wait for her eyes to lock onto mine. “You didn’t fuck anything up. She’s just not ready.”
She steps back, one of her palms lingering on my chest. “I know. I’ll be a battle-ax again tomorrow.”
“You okay to drive?”
She nods, dropping her hand. “I’m good. I’m getting a drive-through burrito and putting on my pajamas the second I walk into my apartment.”
“Text me to let me know you made it home okay.”
“Okay.”
There’s a spark of warmth in her eyes, and she almost smiles. Then she turns to leave, entering the code to close the garage door at the keypad next to one of the doors.
