Page 46 of Inevitable Love
“This something you’re dead set on?”
At least he’s keeping his voice low. I haven’t told the rest of my crew yet. There hasn’t been a right moment when we were all together. Kate and Leo have been running calls all day. I probably should’ve said something to Cal, but all he talked about in between the endless medical calls we assisted on was how his sister was doing at basic training, or how his niece Charlie is trying to potty train, and what other modifications Jules wants to do in her new coffee shop.
“Yeah. It’s always been thegoal.”
The ambulance pulls around the building, and I breathe a sigh of relief at the interruption. Until Kate barrels out of the passenger door, eyes blazing, red hair flying wildly around her head.
“You selfish son of a bitch,” she yells, pointing a finger at me. She stops in front of me and plants her hands on her hips like she’s blocking me from making an escape.
“Whoa, Kate. Calm down,” Cal warns, appearing from the other side of the engine.
Her angry gaze darts to him. “Did you know?”
“Know what?” Cal uses his calm tone.
“This jackass turned in his notice today and didn’t say a damn word to anyone. I just happened to hear about it when we stopped by headquarters.”
I swivel to Chief Collins, who goes rigid next to me. “Who was talking?” he growls.
Kate obviously hears the threat in his tone and visibly shrinks. “The front office clerks.”
A muscle ticks in his jaw as he grunts in acknowledgment. Kate redirects her ire at me. “What the hell, Jackson? Were you even going to tell us? Or were you just going to not show up one day?”
“What the fuck is she talking about, Jackson?” Cal asks, his tone edging into pissed off enough to rival Kate’s.
I shoot a glare at my deputy chief. How fucking dare he share my personnel records with office staff. “Didn’t realize my personal info was so interesting. Guess I should’ve just sent a department-wide memo. Good to know there’s superior confidentiality down at HQ.”
He meets my hard stare and dips his chin. “I apologize. I’ll handle that problem. Immediately. Unfortunately, cat’s out of the bag, and what’s done is done. You might as well tell them.”
I take in my crew. The medics I’ve come to trust stand side by side with arms akimbo. My partner steps in line with them and crosses his arms over his chest like he’s holding himself back.
Fuck. I don’t want to tell them. Don’t want their opinions, don’t want them to try to talk me out of it. Don’t want to talk about this decision, period. I’ve had this plan for so long; it’s too late to back out now.
“I got accepted to a wildland program out west and decided to go for it. It’ll be a long training program, but then I’ll be joining a crew. Out there.”
Cal’s shoulders rise and fall as he takes in a deep breath and expels it. Kate deflates before my eyes, and Leo just silently gives me a nod.
Silence falls in the space between this crew that’s had my back for nearly a year. My mind races through all the practical jokes we played on each other when we were first assigned together. How Jules had my back that night he got pinned by a tree, the endless hours of not knowing if he was going to be okay because I failed to take care of him.
“You’re sure about this?” Chief’s simple question breaks the tension.
Condensation beads down the side of the bottle, dripping onto the concrete floor at my feet. I shuffle my foot over the small puddle, smearing it around. This is it. Once I confirm, the decision will be final. Turning in my resignation should’ve felt like this, but it didn’t feel real until now. I’ll be replaced by some other asshole. Calls will still tone out. They’ll still show up every day and run them. It’s humbling to know I’m so unimportant. But I set this goal over a decade ago, and the drive to meet it is beyond even me. It means more than friendship.
A guy died on my watch. I owe it to his memory to fulfill this dream. I meet Collins’s stare. “Yes, sir.”
His chin dips, and for a heartbeat, I feel his disappointment wash over me.
“Okay.” With that, he stands and stretches like we’ve just been having a regular old chat on a regular old day. He turns and claps a hand on my shoulder. “If you change your mind, if you get there and it doesn’t work out… We’ll have a place for you to come back to.”
Exceptit wouldn’t be with these peoplegoes unsaid.
“Thanks, Chief.”
He drops a hand to Kate’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze. That’s when I notice the tears in her eyes. They cut through me like a dagger. He spins and claps Cal on the arm, nods at Leo, then walks out to his SUV with his hands in his pockets, leaving me to face the firing squad.
“Tell me this is some bullshit,” Cal demands.
“It’s not,” I answer softly.
