Page 20 of Inevitable Love
I sip my tea, considering the question. Yes, the relationship was already established, but I’d gotten over Alice moving away and feeling like she was starting her life without me. Those were the promises young girls made to each other, before real life happened, and I had realized years ago that adult relationships were different. Jackson and I were born out of mutual hobbies and a genuine like of the same things.
“I don’t think so.”
Her head tilts as she studies me with an unreadable expression. “And in all this time, you didn’t think you were more than friends? There was no attraction?”
“I mean. I’m not blind. I know he’s attractive. And the man looks damn good in a suit. But no. I wasn’t in love with him, if that’s what you’re asking,” I lie. Maybe I’m not in love with him, but this feeling, this longing to just be with him, this need to reach out and see if he’s okay, the constant wondering what he’s doing, this missing him… it’s not not-love either. It’s infatuation.
“But you guys texted all the time and hung out together.”
“Yeah. And I guess I relied on it too much, because not talking to him this week has been miserable,” I admit.
She offers me the kind of smile that suggests maybe I’m being a little stupid. “Honey. Do you think maybe there was more there, and you just didn’t see it?”
I shake my head, refusing to admit what I’ve been fearing. Have I truly had feelings for Jackson and been calling it friendship all this time? When did it become more? All I know is that I miss him, so much it’s almost hurt to breathewithout him this week, and I’ve never felt that way about Alice.
“What Icantell you is if you’re miserable, then I think he is too. According to Cal, Jackson has been a pain in the ass—his words, not mine. And he’s not meaning in the fun way, more in the, this-guy’s-an-asshole kind of way.”
It shouldn’t be a relief to know he’s suffering too, but it is.
“I think you guys should talk. But if it’s any consolation, the best relationships start out as friendships. There’s built-in intimacy and trust, and it makes sense that it’s scary at first. There’s a lot to lose.”
An hour later, I step back into my shop and finish closing down for the remainder of the weekend. I helped Jules finish her planter, and she didn’t even mind when I went quiet on her and let my thoughts wander while my hands did the work. Her comment about intimacy and trust and being scared hit home. Struck the tender nerve that’s kept me awake every night since he dropped me off, wondering if I’m losing more than just an adventure buddy if Jackson decides he’s done with this friendship.
Not to mention the fact he’s planning on leaving. What if he gets to that new wildland training and disappears from my life altogether. That role is even more dangerous than his current job. Aside from him just deciding to never return, what if something horrible happens to him out in those mountains.
I click the light off and snag my keys and phone, checking for the hundredth time that I have no messages from him.
Why am I waiting around? I’ve literally never bothered to wait for him to text or call me first. If I had something to say,I reached out.
Swallowing my pride, my hurt feelings, and my fear that we’ve somehow failed each other, I type out a quick message saying we should talk and inviting him over before I can change my mind.
Anxiety over if he’ll respond or if he’ll ignore me rumbles around my head as I make the short drive to my house, gripping the steering wheel like it’s a lifeline. It’s only a couple of blocks and totally walkable, but since I arrive so early in the morning, I let my insecurities get the best of me and take the car instead of walking in the dark. I’ve never been more grateful that it’s such a familiar trek, because all I can think iswhat if he doesn’t answer, followed closely bywhat if he does.
I’m running through a list of things I want to say to him when I turn the corner and see a familiar Jeep parked in my drive and a figure sitting in the swing on my front porch. My stomach pitches. Guess he got my message. And he had to have been close by if he beat me home. Maybe he’d already been planning to stop by.
Every step from the car to the porch feels like walking a tightrope of emotions. I’m thrilled and nervous, and a little ashamed of myself for noticing that, despite his tired eyes, he’s still one of the most attractive men I’ve ever laid eyes on. My brain is racing through ways to start this conversation that will hopefully get us back to where we were, when he pats the seat next to him, then stretches his arm across the back of the swing. Another knot of stress unfurls in relief.
I drop my bag onto the table and fold in next to him, sliding under his arm like it’s my right to be there and we haven’t missed a beat. His arm comes around my shoulder, pulling me into his side, and his lips press a kiss to my hair.
Oh, how I needed this.
My heart squeezes, and tears well as I realize maybe Jules was right, and maybe I’ve been lying to myself this whole time.
Maybe there’s more between me and Jax than I wanted to see.
Chapter Seven
Jackson
Ibury my face in her hair as she curls into me. The lingering hint of citrus shampoo settles the anxiety that’s had me scattered and agitated all week. It’s always surprised me how that freshness remains, even under the layers of baked sweets.
She shudders against me, and though I give her a little squeeze, she doesn’t respond. I breathe in the scent of my Mags and set the swing into motion. Damn, I missed her.
I’d already made up my mind that I was done with Magnolia Simmons keeping her distance, even if it meant hanging out in front of her house, waiting on her to get home. Thank god she finally texted me. Not that it would’ve made a difference if she had or hadn’t.
All week, I’ve driven by the bakery and her house, trolling by like a creeper, in hopes of catching sight of her. Before the night that didn’t happen, anytime we’d run lights and sirens down Main Street, I’d see her poking her head out of her shop door to wave at us. She’d even blow us a kissevery once in a while. And combined with her full arm wave and wide smile… those Maggie sightings always left me grinning. Always made me feel cared for and important. The sudden loss of those little bursts of sunshine made the past few days fucking endless.
Finally hearing from her went a long way toward curing the heartburn I’ve been battling.
