Page 58 of Inevitable Love
I shrug. “What reaction do you want, Alice?”
“I want you to talk to me. How do you feel knowing your sister is gay?”
The sun has shifted in the sky, and my room is growing dark, so I lean over and flip on a lamp. Maybe if she can see my face better, she’ll understand that I have no reaction. “Alice, who you love is none of my business as long as she’s good to you.”
Tears well in her eyes. “Really?”
“Fuck, don’t cry. Yes, really. I mean, I get why it’d be hard to come out—people can be assholes. But you’re my sister, and who you love doesn’t change that.”
Her throat works as she pauses, blinking rapidly at something off-screen, trying to get her emotions under control. Fuck, we are so much alike it’s scary. Both avoiding showing how we feel. I imagine she’s just seen the same kind of reaction from me, and it’s eye-opening and makes me soften my next words.
“Alice, look at me.” I wait until she gives me her eyes. “We don’t say it enough, and things haven’t always been the greatest between us. But you’re my baby sister, and I do love you and support you.”
That earns me a watery smile. “Thanks. That means a lot.”
She tells me about Stella, who eventually jumps on-screen and says hello. There are a ton of questions I have forAlice, but she was obviously scared to share this part of her life with me, and I’m not going to ask some dumbass question that’ll make her feel like I don’t approve or that’ll come across as insensitive. In time, my stomach growls loudly enough for Alice to hear.
“Oh my god, are you starving or something?”
“Yeah, I’ve been too busy to eat like normal. Plus, the food here isn’t the greatest.” The truth is, I haven’t had much of an appetite lately.
“Are you liking the program?” That question leads us into more neutral territory, and I breathe a little easier.
“Yeah. Sure, it’s great.” It comes out a little too enthusiastic.
“You know you don’t have to do this. Youcancome home.” Of course she sees right through me. But I can’t go home. I came here to do this thing, even if it’s hard.
In the background, Stella announces that dinner is ready. I don’t want to say goodbye, but I also know the longer Alice has me on the phone, the deeper she’s going to dig in, and I just can’t go there.
“Late dinner, huh?”
“Yeah, but I guess that’s my cue.” She sighs contently. “It was good to hear your voice.”
“Same.”
“You know, J. There’s nothing wrong with who you love either. So quit being an idiot and just call her,” she says softly before we ring off, sharing I love yous and making promises for when we will talk next.
My room falls silent again.
My soul feels a little lighter having the connection to back home, even if I’m not satisfied with the amount of intel I received.
I slump into the chair. It’ll be hours until Mouse getsback. I could study, but instead, I open my socials and begin stalking my old partners from JCFR.
I’ve been gone, and I’m out of the rhythm of automatically knowing which is our shift day.Theirshift day.
Cal only has pictures of his niece Charlie. Leo is a wash, as his page hasn’t been updated in years. Kate is the social media queen, though, and her page is plastered with every slice of life imaginable. The latest is a landscape view over a pretty little farm with the caption “Home Sweet Home.” Weird, I thought she lived in town, not on a farm. But it’s her stories that give me the dopamine I’m looking for. I click play, and familiar laughter rings through the speaker. Cal is chasing Leo through the station, face covered in white, and Kate is cackling like a loon. The old flour on plastic wrap prank. I chuckle, and it sounds foreign to my own ears.
My throat tightens. Hard to believe it’s been weeks since I’ve seen them. Just a few months ago, it was me and Cal against Kate and Leo in an ongoing prank war. Firefighters against medics.
Nostalgia is a bittersweet bitch, but I’m so lost in the memories of the fun times our crew had, I almost miss the familiar backpack that glides across the screen of Kate’s video.
The story skips to the next one, and it’s another landscape shot with the caption, “A long hike can cure a lot.” And when the next photo pops up, my heart twists in my chest. Kate is arm in arm, red-cheeked and smiling, with Maggie on top of a mountain somewhere.
Lurching from the couch, I ditch the phone and stalk to my closet for a clean shirt. Why the hell am I sitting alone in my room on a Saturday night, pining over the people and life I left behind? They are obviously movingon and living it up without me. Might as well do the same.
I grab an Uber to the local bar, and when I walk in, I’m greeted by Mouse yelling out my name. I nod in his direction, where he and a couple other guys have dolled-up coeds sitting in their laps, but I head to the bar, ordering a beer as I grab a stool. I came here to drink, not meet someone to take home. There’s only one woman I want to be with, and she’s on the other side of the country. Admitting it to myself doesn’t do anything to lessen the sting of seeing her happy in photos plastered all over social media.
“Didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
