Page 100 of Flat Out
“I can’t keep doing this,” I rasped, kissing her before she could argue. It was fierce and desperate and only a fraction of the feelings I was dealing with. The kind of kiss that tasted like heartbreak and survival.
Her fists bunched into my suit. “Callum, people?—”
“Let them look,” I growled, kissing her again. “I know neither of us are backing down, but I fucking hate that everyone’s talking like they know us. They know nothing.” Another kiss that was slow and lingering. “I miss you. I hate that you won’t sit this race out, I hate that you scare the life out of me every time you get in that car, but Christ, Aurélie. I love you so goddamn much. And I know how your brain works, my little overthinker. I’m not going anywhere. Do you hear me?”
Her lip trembled, eyes shimmering. She looked away, but I caught her chin, forcing her to meet me.
“Auri. Do you hear me?”
A shaky nod, tears threatening to spill, and then, finally, a crack in her armor. “My brother texted me. When I closed on the house this week.” Her voice was barely audible.
I blinked, the words slamming into me. “You… closed? You bought it?”
She nodded, biting her lip, eyes darting away. “Yeah. I didn’t… I didn’t know how to tell you. Things have been—well, you know. And Étienne—he offered to help move my things from the estate.” She paused, her breath rattling out of her as she stumbled over her own words. “I don’t know how I feel about any of it. I’ve been a mess inside. And this distance between us—” She shook her head, tears slipping free. “It feels like maybe it’s not going to be okay.”
My chest fractured. I cupped her face, kissing her fiercely, tasting salt. “Congratulations, mon cœur. I should’ve been the first to hear it. That’s on me.” Another kiss, softer this time. “And your brother… are you okay with him? With seeing him? What about your parents?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted with a shrug. “I haven’t heard from them, and I’m not sure I want to right now. But I told mybrother he could help, even though, no, I’m not ready. I don’t know if I ever will be.”
I pulled her tighter against me, my lips pressing to her temple, my heart beating so loud I swore she could feel it. “We’ll face it. Together. All of it. Don’t ever think we won’t be okay. I won’t let that happen.”
Her eyes unfocused then, her gaze shifting to somewhere far away, somewhere I couldn’t reach. “Cal… is there something that could make you stop loving me?” Her voice was barely a whisper. “If there was something I couldn’t give you, would you still want me?”
The words hollowed me out. I stared at her, mind racing through a thousand possibilities. What the fuck was she saying? What couldn’t she give me? I came up empty, except for one horrifying thought I shoved down instantly.
I arched a brow, forcing steadiness into my voice. “Unless you’ve cheated on me, Aurélie, there isn’t a single fucking thing that could keep me from you.”
And there it was, just the tiniest laugh breaking loose and thawing the ice that had suffocated us all week. Her lips quirked as she muttered, “Never, you bloody idiot.”
Relief hit me so hard my knees nearly buckled. She was still here with me. Even if she was galaxies away in her own head—her comfort zone, her prison—it was still her, still mine. I crushed my mouth to hers, swallowing that laugh, desperate to hold on to the sound. When I pulled back, I rested my forehead against hers again.
“You’re right,” I admitted. “The woman I fell in love with wouldn’t just walk away from the car, and I can’t expect you to. Just like you can’t expect me to. Neither of us can ask the other to set aside our careers. That’s not love—that’s control. And Jesus, baby, the last thing I want is to cage you. Especially when you’re just starting to spread your wings.”
Her lips parted, her eyes shining, and I felt her soften against me, inch by inch, like my words had seeped past her walls.
I buried my face in her shoulder, inhaling her like oxygen, like she was home. I breathed in her addictive lavender smell, committing it to memory. “I’ve never told anyone this,” I confessed, my voice muffled against her skin. “Not my parents. Not a single person. I’ve fought severe anxiety my whole damn life. Kept it buried under noise and speed and work. And it was under control… until you.”
Her sharp intake of breath nearly undid me.
“The first time it showed up was Miami. That fucking club, when you wore that pink dress that still kills me to think about, when you put me in my place out on that terrace. Since then, it keeps resurfacing. I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m trying, I swear I am, but it’s like every time you’re in danger, it claws me apart from the inside out. It suffocates me.”
I felt her shiver beneath my hands, her nails digging into my back like she could hold me together.
“And I don’t know what’s going on with you this week,” I added, pulling back just enough to search her face. “But it’s killing me, not knowing.”
Her gaze wavered, unfocused, distant. “There’s more going on than all this,” she whispered. “It’s… personal. Personal in a way that I fear once you know, you won’t be mine anymore.”
My heart splintered. I kissed her like I could force her to believe me through taste and touch alone. It was a silent plea, born of desperation and fear of her convincing herself I’d ever walk away from her.
I cupped her face in my hands, my thumbs swiping at the tears on her cheeks as I pulled back. “Aurélie, listen to me. There is nothing—nothing—that will ever stop me from loving you. Whatever you’re carrying, I’ll carry it with you. You once told meyou don’t know how to get out of your own head sometimes. Do you remember what I said?”
Her trembling nod.
“Let me love you while you learn.” My voice cracked, but I pushed through. “That promise still stands. Always.”
She broke into a fit of sobs, her face crumpling as she wrapped her dainty hands around my wrists, holding me to her. “Then be patient with me. Please,” she begged through her tears, and I think my soul left my body at the heartache in her voice. “I’ll tell you once this race is over. I promise. I just… I need to get through this weekend before I can think about it. Before I tell you.”
I kissed her temple, breathing her in like a prayer. “I can do patient. For you, I can do anything.” Leaning my forehead against hers again, adding, “I promise I’ll love you through it. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
