Page 32 of Never Say Die
“Yeah, actually.”
Aiden sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “Right, yeah, I almost forgot. This ismyfault,” he said, and cracked his neck. He shouldered past Shay, walking toward the door. “I obviously bit myself.”
Shay grabbed his wrist, palm secure over Aiden’s pulse. “Why didn’t you stop me, Aiden?”
Fire ran through his veins, stoked by adrenaline and whatever combo-speed he’d snorted before their set. He’d slept, maybe, four hours. Still tasted tequila from the Marquee. Smelled blood and piss from inside that claustrophobic bathroom. He was too tired to lie, too keyed up to deflect. So, he turned and shoved Shay back with both hands. “I’m easy for you,” he snapped, viciously. “But youalwaysknew that, didn’t you? Fuck, Shay, I didn’t stop you, because I couldn’t. All I could do was hold onto you and hope you didn’t give me exactly what I deserved. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Shay stared, wide-eyed. Bewilderment crossed his face. His lips slackened and he flexed his jaw, granting Aiden a slow once over. “I wish you would’ve found me sooner,” he admitted. “Before I. . . Shit, she probably had a family, Aiden. People who loved her. She?—”
“Is dead,” Aiden said, heat licking each word. “Wolves don’t cry over deer, Shay. If I would’ve found you sooner,I’dbe dead. So, stop with your self-flagellation and accept that this isit. This is what you do to survive—it’s your fucked-up fate whether you like or not.”
“I didn’t ask for this,” Shay whispered. “I didn’t want this?—”
“But you have it. You have power, you have purpose, you have a second chance, and there’s a whole lot of people in this world who would do anything to be like you.”
“Yeah, who?You?” Shay asked, and put his thumb to Aiden’s chin, pinching hard. Hot breath coasted his mouth. “Maybe you should’ve jumped off that goddamn cliff then.”
“Yeah, maybe. But I didn’t. I put a knife in you instead. And even after that, even here, even last night, even when you had the chance, I didn’t have to stop you.” He tore his face away. “You’re too afraid. Toogoodto do what I did,” he said, aiming the last word like a bullet. “You want vengeance? Stop bluffing and get it over with.”
“I should’ve stayed dead,” Shay said, voice choked. Awful and thick and young.
Yeah, me too, he thought, exhaling against the ache in his chest.
“Ineededto stay dead,” Shay added, bitterly.
Aiden met his eyes. “Yeah, and I needed you more.”
Shay reached for him. Grabbed his wrist and squeezed. Said his name,Aiden, like a snakebite. But it didn’t matter, Aiden wrenched away and flew through the door. Almost tripped on the steps and sped toward the table where the meet-and-greet line wrapped around the kettle-corn stand, stretching away from the Knight’s Blood merchandise booth.
I needed you more.His heart pounded in his throat.I needed you more.
Sleep came in intervals.
Aiden skipped the post-signing festivities and retired alone. Brought the complimentary bottle of top-shelf vodka into the shower and drank while hot water scorched his wounded throat. Shuffled under the freshly turned sheets and waded in and out of lucidity, watching Shay’s little journal, left unattended on the nightstand, blur and bend. Alcohol warred with the drugs in his system, convincing his mind to quiet while his body hummed. He hadn’t recognized the weight of someone else beside him. Hadn’t noticed the still room or Shay’s lulled breathing. Like a man trapped beneath ice, Aiden had palmed at the cold, slick surface, finding cracks and wedges—air conditioning, dull Vegas sounds, the heavy comforter pooled over his shoulders.
At one point, he thought he’d woken. Stagnant saltwater dripped onto his cheek. Rancid breath dampened his jaw. Thomas appeared again, anchoring him to the bed, and lowered his mouth to the bitemark on Aiden’s neck. Aiden focused on his loud thoughts:it’s a dream, it’s a dream, it’s a dream. But Thomas felt entirely real. His sallow, soggy skin had grown loose, hanging in patches where clothes had ripped away, and his blunt teeth moved in slow motion. Sinking into Aiden, masticating, tugging until taut flesh broke and spurted. All the while, Aiden couldn’t move or scream. He endured that feeling—helpless, horrific knowing—caged inside himself as Thomas devoured him.
“Aiden,” Thomas said, and it was Shay’s voice from the Ocean Grove trailhead. Then again, “Aiden”, and it wasCamila, shouting at him through the screen door at their childhood home. “Aiden,” and it was Georgia, swatting him on the cheek, spraying Narcan into his nose. “Aiden,” and it was Shay again, closer, realer. “Aiden,” likehello. “Aiden,” likewake up.
Aiden gasped. He clawed away phantom teeth, squirmed, winced, and toppled to the floor. The ceiling bowed.Run. He scrambled backward on all fours until his shoulders smacked the wall. No matter how hard he breathed, a collar shaped like Thomas’s hand tightened around his windpipe. The bed tilted into view, throbbing in tandem with his heartbeat.
Shay hadn’t stopped saying his name. “Aiden, hey. Hey, whoa, it’s fine, Aiden, it’s okay—you’re dreaming. Aiden, hey. Look at me.” He knelt and grasped Aiden’s face. “You’re okay. You’re all right, it’s just a dream. Aiden. . .” Worry furrowed Shay’s brows. He thumbed away wetness on Aiden’s cheeks. “Breathe, okay?” He inhaled, long and deep, and Aiden mimicked him. Once, twice. A third time. The dream deteriorated, and reality opened to their shadowy room at the Cosmopolitan and the distant rush of the Bellagio fountains dancing beneath the balcony.
“Sorry,” Aiden rasped.
“Don’t be,” Shay said. He cradled Aiden’s face until embarrassment finally sparked and Aiden shied away. Shay’s hands dropped between them. “I have nightmares, too.”
“Yeah. Haven’t had a panic attack like that in a while.”
“Shit happens.”
His eyes wouldn’t stop leaking. He set his forehead on his folded arms, resting atop his kneecaps, and blew out a heavy breath. “Go back to bed, I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine, like, at all.”
Vodka soured his stomach. He inhaled another deep breath to quell the sudden burst of nausea. “Look, I know it stays withyou. Feeding. What you have to do. But you need to let it go, Shay. Seriously.”
Shay sighed through his nose. “Have you?”
