Page 32 of Saint, Sorrow, Sinner
“Energy is alive. You can create it, can’t destroy it,” the clerk said. She nodded like Sophia understood, then continued. “Shoo away the bad and manifest the good, yes?”
“Yeah,” Sophia said, clearing her throat. She wiped her nose with the cloth and tried to clean her new rosary, rolling the beads between the bloody fabric. “Thank you.”
“No problem, mija. Be blessed.”
Juniper paid for the supplies, thanked the clerk again, and steered Sophia toward the door. Sophia didn’t realize she was still holding the towel until they were standing beside Juniper’s bike. Sunlight brightened the crimson splotches darkening white cloth and caught the tiny chain-link on her rosary. She carefully rubbed another red streak away.
“I’ll wash this and bring it back,” Sophia mumbled, staring at therag.
Juniper tsked. “I’m sure she doesn’t expect it back, conejita.”
That word again. Conejita. She swallowed the remaining trickle of blood and exhaled shakily. “I’ll pay you back for all this, by the way. Them too. Colin, Bishop, Tehlor—”
“No one expects anything—”
“I will, though. I’ll make it right, I’ll—”
“Sophia—”
“I will,” she bit out. She aimed the unrealistic frustration inward, but it was barbed. Spiny, like an urchin. Juniper raised her hand away from Sophia’s back as if she’d been punctured. “No, don’t ...” She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, excavating her anger until it revealed itself as fear. Sometimes the truth was hard to parse inside emotions that were too big for her to carry. “I don’t want to be a burden. I alreadyfeellike a problem you can’t solve. Just let me say it, okay? Let me have that.”
“Okay,” she said, far gentler than Sophia expected. “You won’t argue if I buy you lunch, though.”
Sophia scrubbed the cloth beneath her nose and strung the rosary around her wrist. Joan of Arc’s medallion tapped her palm, dangling above her bandaged stigmata.
“Why?Why help me?” Sophia asked. The question singed her tongue. “Am I a project? Is this some ... some kind of test of faith for Colin, or penance for Tehlor, or ... or am I a means to an end? Because no one’s asked me what I want.” She heaved in breath after breath. Talking like that, so quickly, so forcefully, knocked the wind out of her. “I’m nobody,” she said, exasperated. “But I deserve to know why you’re doing this.”
Juniper folded her arms, holding the handle on the paper bag with two fingers. Sunlight skimmed the jewels punched through her wide-sleeved, mauve button-down, and her hip jutted to the side. Shelooked pensive. Offended, maybe. Her eyebrow ticked up and one side of her mouth curved.
“Colin and I have our differences, but he’s still family. Even now, even after losing Isabelle. She loved him, so I love him, and he—”
“Doesn’t know me.”
“Doesn’t have to,” she said matter-of-factly, and tapped her foot. “Look, you want to know whyI’mhelping you, Sophia? Because the magic you’re carrying could eat a hole through reality and invite displaced spirits to take up residence in whoever’s weak enough to let them. Yeah, you’re ...” She stopped, shifting her jaw back and forth. “You’re fascinating. Youinterestme.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve never met someone so hell-bent on staying possessed.” Laughter tripped out of her, bitter and scathing. “Sometimes people do things because it’s all theycando. Sure, maybe Colin’s chasing a ghost, maybe the witch is trying to do right by you, maybe I’m selfish.” She shrugged, shaking her head. “But fine, I’ll bite. What doyouwant?”
Sophia closed her mouth and chewed on the question. Her attention hopped around, eyes landing everywhere except for Juniper. I want to live,she thought, but it wasn’t quite true.I want power. I want retribution. I want to start over.She gripped the charm dangling from the bottom of her rosary.I want my sister back. I want a time machine. I want to kiss you.Her heart floundered.
“I want this to mean something,” Sophia said, meeting Juniper’s gaze. Sunlight flashed across the psychic’s eyes, turning them maple. “Iwant to mean something.”
Juniper nodded. “It will,” she said simply, perfectly. “You do.”
Sophia chose to believe her. “Where are youtaking me for lunch?”
Juniper smiled and Sophia thought of God, and virtue, and honor, and martyrdom.
Somewhere close, Amy whispered, “The Lord will keep her.”
She can keep me,Sophia thought.Please, keep me.
“Colin thinks it’s too big,” Tehlor said, annoyed.
Colin huffed. “Itistoo big. We should be utilizing a small, containable space, not the entire attic.”
Sophia stood at the top of a narrow, claustrophobic staircase. A crow shot past the rectangular windows lining the circular wall and each footstep wheezed, echoing toward the cone-shaped roof. She stepped onto the scratchy wood floor. The empty tower was odd, much like the rest of the Belle House, with dusty eaves and blank walls. An abandoned birdcage hung from a white chain near the leftmost window and an ornate Persian rug was rolled and propped in the corner next to the doorway.
