Page 52 of Chase
The lobby has big glass windows, which means if someone was looking, they could probably see me too. I make sure to slip around the far side of the tree trunk when I see my sister and Max approach the front doors. B is already digging through her bag and Max protectively stands behind her as he scans the area before she retrieves her key fob.Knowing her, it was probably at the bottom of her bottomless bag.
Davis is gonna be a goddamn problem. He’s gonna do whatever he can to block me from getting to her I don’t care if he tries to get the entire Devils football team to sit on me, nothing can fucking stop me now.
Since last November, building check-ins have been mandatory and there’s always an RA on duty in all campus housing. I trail behind a group of students who scan their key fobs to get into the building. I grab the door before it closes andslip in with them. An RA comes out of the office and everyone scans in their IDs from their phones.
The RA must recognize my name and gives me a seductive smile when she raises her eyes off the iPad she’s using to check everyone in. She asks me where I’m going and doesn’t even question me when I tell her I’m going to see my sister.
I don’t wait for the elevator and run the stairs up to her floor. My legs burn and it reminds me of the daily run I didn’t go on today. I jog up to her door and rub my sweaty palms on my joggers. I knock and of course, fucking Davis answers.
“What the fuck do you want?” He warmly greets me.Asshole.His voice sounds like nails on a fucking chalkboard.
“Why are you answering my sister’s door? You don’t fucking live here, water boy.” I glare at him and he gives me a maniacal smile.
“I had a feeling your bitchass would show up. She doesn’t want to see you. Get gone. Now.”Oh, fuck no.
“Too many hits to the head? Do I have to fucking repeat myself? Go get your sister,” I say while stepping into the apartment and he immediately pushes me back out into the hall.
“Don’t touch me asshole,” I say and swat away his hands from my chest. “If you’re not gonna let me in, go be a good water boy and tell her I’m here.” His whole face turns red with anger and he hardens and he crosses his arms.Oh, he didn’t like being called water boy, good to know.We stare at each other like two wild animals through the open doorway. “I’m not leaving without seeing her.”
“Ok, break it up dickheads,” Max’s voice booms from behind Davis.
“I can’t see, you’re both hogging the doorway,” I hear my sister say from behind Max.
“Evie girl, pleasae tell your brother to hit the road. Maybe he’ll listen to you,” Davis says with a softness in his voice. Sheshoulders her way in front of Max and then wiggles between Davis and the open door.
“I wanna see her, B,” I tell my sister who starts chewing her bottom lip and I know. I fucking know. I’m too late.She really doesn’t want to see me.
“Look man, I’ll go ask her but whatever she says, it is.” Max offers in a firm-as-hell tone. If this is really it and I blew my chance, I’ll figure out a way to show her I’m all in. I’ll leave for now if that’s what she wants, but I’m not walking away from her.
“I’ll go,” Davis says and turns back into the girls' apartment leaving me with B and Max. My sister looks anxious and I don’t want to put her through any more drama tonight.
I can hear Davis knocking on Sloane’s door and calling for her to answer. She doesn’t. Which means I’m not seeing her tonight. The crack in my chest is instant. I reach into my pocket and pull out the crane and hold it out to B.
“Can you make sure she gets this?” I choke out. My heart feels heavy and I just want to go out for a long ass run.
I wanna run until my feet are just as bloody as my fucking heart. Would she give a shit if I passed out from all the fucking blood loss?Would she notice if she never saw me again?
I can’t bear becoming a part of her past and not her future. My head aches at the thought of her not giving a damn about me. I can feel a crack splitting open my bones as it runs down the middle of the carved lyrics.
??I didn't know if you'd care if I came back.??
“Did you make this?” B asks with big sad eyes as she carefully cradles the paper bird in her outstretched palm.
“A paper crane for my songbird,” I softly tell her.
“Chase, it's–,” I shake my head to cut her off. I can’t hear her say it’s too little too late. I lean over and kiss her cheek, lift my chin to Max, and then I turn around.
I fucking run.And I don’t stop.
Chapter Twenty-Four
THE DEJA VUof laying in my bed the morning after public humiliation is worse than a cheap tequila hangover on a Wednesday morning after Taco Tuesday. I’ve been lying here like a bump on a log since I flung myself on top of my bed last night. I didn’t get much sleep. I spent the majority of the night tossing, turning, stewing, and stewing some more.
I couldn’t help myself and jumped feet first down the rabbit hole to relive other monumental embarrassing moments fromlost crowns to lost sororities. I tried to shut my eyes to make it all stop but I couldn’t.
I felt honest-to-God-pain in my throat and it was like it was swelling shut when the emotional and mental anguish of the past few years hit me like a ton of bricks.
I ugly cried into my hands and my tears mixed with the dried blood from my finger. Crying always makes me think of Mama. She hated it when I cried after a loss. She’d pinch my skin, berate me on my performance, and grill me about my mistakes all while telling me to stop carrying on.
