Page 47 of Chase
“You got it, Sloaney,” He gives me a hard look and I know he’s waiting for me to admit what I’ve done. I can’t though. I promised him I’d try to deal with my emotions differently, and here I am cutting twice in one night.
“Just so you know, it took a lot of guts to get up there and tell that hockey player how ya feel.”
“And now I feel ridiculous for it. It was impulsive and I didn’t think it through. I thought it would’ve had more of an impact on him, instead he didn’t move a muscle. Hell, he didn’t react at all.”
“Maybe you shocked him, Sloaney. Not everyone would have the balls to do that, I sure as hell don’t,” he says with a head nod. “Tell whoever’s in charge of this thing that I’m gonna wait back here for ya. I’ll let you get ready and wait out here.” He reaches for the door handle to see himself out.
The click of the door closing is loud and the silence in the room is deafening. I’m certain he knows. That look he gave me all but confirmed it.
No matter how many times I cut and tell him I’m gonna do better, he continues to trust me to make better choices. To cope with these feelings differently. He’s just hoping I don’t do it again.And most of the time, I do too.
I take a long sip of water and try to swallow down everything about tonight. The shameful cutting, the inflated confidence I had, my unrequited feelings for that boy, and the epic embarrassment that awaits me. It’s all so unsettling that my stomach cramps.
I walk with Davis toward the stage wings and tell one of the producers that he’s gonna wait for me and drag him to a standing area off to the side. A makeup artist does her best to fix my face but the waterworks have left me looking like a raccoon.
I wait for my cue and take my place on stage, digging my nails into my palms again, and telling myself that I’m not gonna look over at the second row. I fail miserably and immediately look for him. But he’s not there and my heart sinks to the orchestra pit underneath the stage. I don’t see Evie or Hunter either. The three of them are gone and it has me raising my eyebrows in curiosity.
I curtsey on cue with the rest of the company and hear a high-pitched whistle and loads of clapping and yelling. The support of the program by the audience is heartwarming. We’ve all worked so hard. I give myself a moment to take it all in and smile for the crowd while waving before the curtain falls.
With the Wilton triplet-sized hole in the second row, I have a direct view of the frat brothers who were sitting behind them. At least I’m assuming that’s who they are by their matching hats and jackets. And one of them is most definitely Will.
He’s standing up, clapping his hands, and whistling. He acknowledges me with a smooth wink. There’s a look on his face that I know all too well. He’s looking at me the way the boys back in Georgia looked at me. Like they would have something to gain.
He gives me a two-fingered salute and a toothy smile that I bet makes all the girls feel like they’re special. I could see it. He’s handsome, well-put-together, and terribly charming. I bet loads of women want his attention. And right now, he’s giving it all to me.
Chapter Twenty-One
I’Mwhite-knuckling the armrests of my red velvet auditorium seat while the next act tries to follow the most beautiful girl in the world.She sang to me.
She got up on stage in front of a packed crowd and while everyone was looking at her, she was looking at me.Holy shit, she sang to me.
“Chase, what’s wrong?” my sister whispers, frowning. It’s like the devil pressed repeat on some imaginary playlist as thepretty birdie’s song replays over and over in my head. And with every lyric, more air is sucked outta the room. ??I just wanted you to know, this is me trying.??
My throat feels tight.I can’t fucking breathe.Everything feels like it’s way too close but also far away. The room is starting to spin.Fuck, I don’t feel good.
My sister’s eyes bug outta her head and she tries to shake my shoulder and shouts in my face, “Chase, breathe!” This must get A’s attention because the next thing I know, he’s hauling me outta my seat by my bicep and dragging me outta the packed room with B leading the way up the carpeted inclined aisle.
“You need fucking air and a goddamn reality check. Get your ass outside.” He tightly grips my arm and walks me to a bench that B sits on. He throws me down next to her and takes the seat next to me. It’s a tight fit, but I need it.I need them.
“What the fuck! This is the second time you’ve almost crashed. You can’t keep doing this. You need to get your shit together and it’s starting now,” A sternly shouts in my face. He’s right. He’s so fucking right.
“What just happened in there?” B softly asks and loops her arm with mine. It’s grounding and comforting and so Evie.
“I know today was a big fucking day with therapy and shit. You obviously need it if you’re having goddamn panic attacks and holding your breath again,” he says while shaking his head. “I fucking hate when you do that shit.”Believe me, I fucking hate it too.
“What happened? You were fine… you were better than fine… at one point, you looked mesmerized by her even. How do you go from that to this?” My sister asks and motions toward me with her outstretched hands. My knee starts bouncing, and my anxiety starts to claw back up.
“I was,” I tell them and snap up to stand. I immediately start pacing
“Then what the fuck happened because last I checked, Red got up on that fucking stage and sang you a goddamn love song,” he twists his mouth when he says the word love as if it’s a goddamn curse.And it very well might be.
“What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? Did you hear her? Did you see her?”Were you not paying attention? Um, how about my dream girl got up and let me know how she feels, sealed it with a fucking kiss, and nothing can happen except me letting her down.“I never wanted to hurt her, and I’m going to end up doing exactly fucking that, and I gave myself a goddamn panic attack.”
“Why?!” B asks and crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her head to the side while looking me over. Like she’s checking to see if I’ve lost my goddamn mind. Fact check… I have.
“Because the thought of hurting her in any goddamn way has me struggling to fucking breathe.” They both watch me shift my weight as I bounce on the balls of my feet. I want to feel that gnawing pain in my feet. I need it. I dig my sneakers into the path and add as much pressure as I can. They both narrow their eyes on me and the urge to run is so fucking strong.
“So don’t hurt her, there's an easy fix,” B says and I automatically click my teeth and scoff at the ridiculousness of what she’s suggesting. She rolls her eyes, and it’s as if she waved a fucking red flag in front of me.Doesn’t she get it?
