Page 15 of Chase
“Evie, come here, baby,” Max says from my doorway and he holds open his arms for her but doesn’t wait for her to go to him. He immediately tugs her close and wraps her in a hug. I lookat them, I mean I really look at them and all I can see is their happiness.
“You want to know what’s going on?” She says from under Max’s arms. “He’s going to shower and get ready and he’s coming to the party tonight. He needs to get out of this room.” Max lifts his chin to me. It’s like he’s seeing everything through her eyes and I turn away. I’m ashamed and guilty and have kept my distance from him to avoid this very scenario from playing out.
“You smell like shit, get in the goddamn shower,” A demands and pushes me towards the bathroom. “Go wash your ass, after we’re gonna go to this dumbass party, and tomorrow we’re gonna talk about what the fuck is going on with you and then we’re gonna clean your nasty ass room.”
“No, we’re fucking not,” I shout back and slam the bathroom door shut.
“I bet you’ll feel a lot better afterward,” my sister adds from the hallway. I’m not sure if she’s talking about the shower, going to this party, or talking about the state of my room. None of the above sounds promising. Nothing makes me feel better.Except seeing her.
I actually feel fucking worse. Her words hit me hard. Is that what she really thinks? Is that what I’m doing? Using what happened to her as an excuse to punish myself? She might be right.
There’s a slight knock on the door and I find Max on the other side. “Looks like you need one of these. A shower beer will definitely help take the edge off, brother.” He lifts his chin and hands me a cold silver can. I pop the top and chug it down before pushing the curtain to the side and stepping under the spray. No matter how hot the water is, or how hard I scrub my skin, it’s not enough to wash away the messes I’ve made.
I take a seat on the couch to wait for my sister to finish getting ready. Jake and Max are playing a video game and A is scowling at his phone. Monroe passes out beers and hands me mine last. He holds out his fist for a bump and gives me a chin nod. I don’t want beef with my boys but I won’t let anyone go after her either. I hold out my can to knock with his and chug mine, draining the piss-tasting alcohol faster than any fucking frat boy on campus.
I feel exposed after what happened in my room with my siblings and Max.He was right, the beer blunts the edges.I’ll take ten.The sympathetic look on their faces, my sister putting me in my place, and the way my brother screwed up his nose like I reeked of moldy jock straps was fucking humiliating.
“What the hell is she doing up there?” A, whines from the recliner never taking his eyes off his phone.
“Don’t you dare fucking rush her, she’s nervous and excited about tonight. It’s a big deal for her,” Max barks back at him. A rolls his eyes and deepens his scowl. His white-knuckled grip on his phone has his hand shaking.
“Drew texted, I’ll tell him we’ll be over in a bit,” Jake holds up his phone, motioning to our group chat. I haven’t been out, let alone to a party in forever. Not my scene right now. I plan to get in, make a round to say hello and show my face, and then come right back home.Maybe I’ll go for a run.
B’s all dolled up and holding her head high when she finally comes down the stairs while she smiles at Max who stands to greet her. Love looks good on her. She looks so damn happy and I keep noticing it more and more every time I see her. She keeps saying she’s okay and this feels shitty to admit, but seeing her right now ready and willing to go to a party with her boyfriend, feeling good about herself, gives me more reason to believe her.
“Wow, Dimples, you look amazing. Guys go on ahead, we’ll be there later.” I stick my legs out, tripping him up to slow his desperate ass down as he tries to get through four bodies. He doesn’t let any of us get in his way and scrambles towards the stairs where she’s standing.
“The fuck, Max! Really!?” A, yells out at him as he chases B back up to his room.
“Sisterfucker!” Monroe yells and Jake smacks him in the stomach for A and I since he’s closer. I spring up, shake my head back and forth to dislodge the image of Max swatting at B’s ass to urge her up the
stairs, and move towards the door with a stampede behind me.Time to go and get this over with.
Chapter Five
THE PARTY ISjam-packed with swaying bodies, loud music blasting, a bar in the kitchen, and a makeshift dance floor. Even though it’s January, the cold temperatures do nothing to deter the girls from showing some serious skin, but none hold my attention for more than the second it takes to scan over the crowds.
I hold my breath while I automatically seek her out. The air trapped in my lungs feels heavy with anticipation overoverseeing her. She must not be here and my shoulders slump as I exhale. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or disappointed.
It’s like I pressed the autopilot button before walking into the house tonight. I feel myself just going through the motions as I return fist bumps and high-fives from people as I shoulder through the crowd toward the kitchen. I lift my chin to say a wordless hello to people who are looking at me. I attempt a fake smile, but my face won’t cooperate.Guess I’m done smiling forever.
When I finally make it to the kitchen, I eye the keg sitting in a storage container of ice. I need another beer. I need to numb the constant pain I’ve been feeling and just momentarily turn it off. I’ll settle back into it when I leave here. I’ve already had two beers, I’m good for a few more.Fuck it.
Some freshman with a Havenwood Football Devils polo that has “Equipment Team,” stitched on the chest hands me a red solo cup and it takes me all of thirty seconds to chug it down. This kid beams at me as if I just scored a game-winning goal and he’s impressed beyond belief with the finesse and skill I possess to swallow a cup of beer in a few gulps. He hands me two more before I thank him. The pure joy on his face has me shaking my head. I don’t want him or anyone else looking up to me.If anything I’m a cautionary tale.
I hear shrieking and I turn my head to see A being sucked into a group of girls who make up one of the sororities here at Havenwood. No doubt he’ll be enjoying two or more of their company tonight.
He’s been even more of a dick since everything went down in the fall and to deal with his shit, he’s been hooking up like crazy. More than before. He’s also hyper-focused on me when he needs to check his own emotions regardless if he thinks he has them or not, they’re showing.
I get it, we're all pretty raw and gutted from what happened with B, but he seeks no support from anyone. I know I’m not in the best headspace right now but if my brother needed me, I’d be first in line. Even B has tried to make headway with him, and he just doesn’t fucking allow it.
I’ve been wondering if his constant rant and rage against the feelings he obviously has for Edison are starting to ramp up. Does he know she was recently released from a nursing facility? B told me earlier in the week that Edison was back here and that she was going to see her. Maybe she told A too and he’s being more of an ass than usual because he knows he’s gonna have to face her soon. She seems to be the only one who holds his feet to the fire and he can’t decide if he loves or hates that.
He re-emerges from the harem of women and I meet his eyes and lift my eyebrows to him. He scowls as he lifts his chin.Defiant fucker.I shake my head and turn to the freshman and chin-point towards a fresh cup. He eagerly fills one and hands it to me and gives one to Jake who’s standing next to me. I finish mine and am immediately given another. This kid’s easily earning the twenty in my wallet if he keeps this up.
“You’re going to be fucking feeling it tomorrow,” Jake points out, and I roll my eyes. No matter what I do, I feel everything all day anyway. Maybe this will help me block shit for a while.
“As long as I don’t feel anything tonight then I don’t give a shit,” I offer back. I just want to turn it off for a while. I know that damn chest ache is my penance for my role in the pain that B has had to suffer, and it serves as a reminder to be a better man. Make better choices. Not right now though. Now my choice is to be numb to it all. To turn my brain and heart off. The angel and devil both need to take the night off and leave me the fuck alone.
