Page 13 of Chase
I feel the invisible string between us tighten the moment she feels me staring at her. When she waves, showing me a little bit of her attention, it melts away some of my resolve. It also solidifies my next move. Nothing could keep me from following her now that I’ve got her in my sights.
This is how it started last semester. I would find her somewhere on campus, we’d lock eyes, she’d give me something to hold on to and I’d hold on to it for as long as I could. When this happens, I teeter on the edge of the lines in the sand I’ve drawn. I get as close as I can without feeling like I’m blurring the boundaries I’m trying to keep.
Something burns deep in my chest when I zero in on her. Having her look back sends shooting energy through every cell in my body. Every part of me is hyper-aware of Sloane. It’s always like this. It hasn’t dulled over time, it’s only gotten more intense.
I run down that hill so fucking fast to get to the path she’s on. When the landscape of campus forces my eyes to fall away from her, I’m instantly cold. That familiar burn cools down with us now being disconnected and I’m fucking desperate to get it back.
When I finally catch up to where she is I make sure to slow my pace. I know she feels me when I watch her sexy fucking hips sway with a little more sass.Fuck, she’s so fucking hot.
I can’t help but smile to myself, and it’s a really cheesy one that she catches as she slightly turns her pretty face to look over her shoulder before opening the door to one of the Athletic Buildings.Making sure I’m still here? You know I am, gorgeous girl.
The way her whiskey eyes search my smile sends fireworks shooting off in my gut. She grins and it’s just for me as she turns her head away and faces forward.
I don’t hesitate and follow her inside, eyeing a recreational activity schedule. She must be taking a class. I catch the ends of her red ponytail as she slips behind a door.Room 104.
I cross-reference the schedule and figure out she’s in a kickboxing class. It’s at a different time than it was in the fall.I’ll be back, gorgeous.The devil grins triumphantly on myshoulder. I got my hit of Sloane and am already anticipating my next one. I’ve been in fucking withdrawal for weeks.
Wherever she is, is where I want to be. It’s getting harder and harder to not give in to the gravitational force of my feelings that are pulling me towards her. In the past, that angel has filled my head up, reminding me that I’m bordering on being a fucking creeper for loitering around her, telling me to stop being a goddamn weirdo and to quit my shit and stop following her.
I’ve tried to listen and have forced myself to run in the opposite direction of campus, to give myself space and to quiet the intrusive thoughts that I was overstepping. I’ve tried to force myself away from her. Sometimes I run straight home, but most of the time I go to find her.I can’t fucking stay away.
Today was a pleasant surprise. I didn’t have to seek her out, she was there and so was I. I didn’t realize how much I needed to see her until I was running down that hill, chasing the high she was giving me.And in an hour, I’ll get another one.
The devil on my shoulder is basically doing a happy dance just thinking about it. I sprint down campus paths and out of Havenwood as a burst of energy courses through me. I can’t wait to see her again.
My smart watch lights up when B texts our sibling chat and the shift that goes through me is fucking immediate. Seeing my sister’s name bursts my bubble and the angel starts waving her finger in my damn face as she starts reminding me of all the reasons why I can’t ever have Sloane.
Rapid-fire thoughts shoot off in my head that I should just leave her alone. That I’m a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve her. I pick up my speed and try to outrun every fucking one.
My heart beats out of my goddamn chest like it’s trying to pulverize the stream of messed up thoughts, crippling self-doubt, and invasive crap filling up my head. I’m at constant war with myself.
The devil on my opposite shoulder was screaming at me to get to her. To see her pretty face. The world around me seemed dreary compared to when she was in my line of sight. She was a burst of vivid color when everything else was an ugly gray.Not even that patronizing angel could disagree that she lit up my world.
An hour later I was waiting for her and bouncing up and down in place. I was ready for my fix. I checked my smart watch, sixty-two minutes.Where are you, gorgeous girl?I started to panic, had I missed her? No, the schedule said one hour. I was right on time and wasn’t moving until I saw her again.
When she emerged, goddamn, she looked amazing. Red-cheeked, slightly sweaty, and tipping a water bottle to that pretty mouth. I was fucking mesmerized.
So was my dick that was thickening in my pants. I adjusted myself and pressed down on my boner to get a second of relief.
When she passed the building I was standing by I swear to the hockey gods above that she smiled. It’s like she knew I had come back to see her. I wasn’t in plain sight but she would’ve had to really look to find me.
That made my heart crack wide open. I was flooded with emotions as I walked behind her. I was questioning everything and wanted to run ahead and see her face, search her honey eyes for answers, and break through these fucking chains that held me back. I wanted so much more than what I felt like I was able to have.
She stopped abruptly and looked down before bending down to look at something. I watched her intently and stood to the side to take a better look at what had caught her attention.
I stayed at a distance but was still able to make out the pure white feather in her hand. She had a peaceful look on her face as she ran her fingers over it. I wanted to know what she wasthinking as she held it in her hand. She must like them, she’s always wearing that feather pendant around her pretty neck.
She started to walk again and I swear she walked slower the rest of the way. I felt that burn in my chest cool again as she made her way inside her apartment building. An apartment that she shares with my sister. Fuck, my sister.“Yeah, your sister, you idiot,”I heard the annoying ass angel loud and clear.
Reality might as well have smacked me in the face as I take my sorry ass home.She lives with B because she’s her friend. Her best friend. She lives with B in an apartment because their dorm was a fucking crime scene.
I’m fucking exhausted and drained both emotionally and physically. I’m not sure what hurts more right now. My fucking feet or my heart. As high as I felt seeing her, from soaking up her bright light, the reality is that I don’t get to have her. I have to stay in the shadows, on the edge of what I want and what I can’t have.
I don’t bother changing my sweaty clothes and barely kick off my sneakers before falling flat on my face in my disgusting bed. My sheets smell fucking gross, but I could give a shit.
I don’t move for hours. I ignore the loud knocking on my bedroom door and turn to lie on my back with my forearm draped across my eyes. Even with the blinds drawn and the lights off, it's not dark enough in here.
“Open up, C. I know you’re in there. Jake said you've been up here all day. It’s time to get up now.” My sister’s voice carries through the air along with the stark reminder that I’ve been lying here in bed since I got home from my run.
