Page 99 of Worse Than Wicked
Dynamo: ffs I told u I cant help u. get therapy.
DukeOfBeavertown: I dont need therapy
Dynamo: sorry cant help u
Dynamo: Pls consider it. Srsly. & sobriety. Its hard but so much better here. I know u can get here 2. I believe in u man. Think about it. gg.
[Dynamo has left the chat]
DukeOfBeavertown: I dnt need fcking sboriety
[Dynamo is away]
DukeOfBeavertown: I need u
[Dynamo is away]
“Fuck,” I roar, sitting up and hurling my phone across the room. When I go pick it up, cracks have spiderwebbed the screen. I want to smash it into a million pieces, but I don’t have a way out of here if I do. They took the car.
I have to get out.
I pace the house, shaking, raging.
How dare he walk away like that? How dare he get better and act all fucking sanctimonious, when he’s the one who left me in hell? He was supposed to be here with me, but he crawled out and left me to burn alone.
I’m so fucking hot even without clothes, that my skin feels like it’s going to peel off. I stick my head in the freezer, panting in the cool vapors, my eyes stinging.
He doesn’t care about you, Duke.
“I don’t care about him, either,” I mutter, seething as I slam the freezer and pace the kitchen, shaking with cold now.
I thumb open my phone, and I send more, even though I get the away message for him.
DukeOfBeavertown: did u c what happened 2 Dixie
DukeOfBeavertown: I did it 4 u
DukeOfBeavertown: I did what lo couldnt
DukeOfBeavertown: now am I good enough?
I curse myself for that, but I can’t unsend messages on the app. He can turn me in if he wants, laugh at me while I’m in prison.
Or he can come back for me.
He did it the last time I saw him. He followed me when I tried to leave.
You’re smarter than that,Dad whispers in one ear.
He doesn’t want you,Dixie whispers in the other.Not after what you did to me.
No one wants you,Dad whispers.You’re weak.
You’re a failure,Dixie adds. You didn’t even mean to kill me. Loser.
I clap my hands over my ears and scream.
They’re right though. I can’t block out that knowledge, even when the voices recede. Colt doesn’t want me, and I shouldn’t want him. He’s not some hero who’s going to come flying back to rescue me from myself. He’s a villain like the rest of us.
