Page 95 of Lust
“You already know how.”
My brows furrowed because there was only one word he had repeated over and over. “I had already planned on sacrificing everything for her,” I said with my jaw clenched. “I had offered to drop from the race, and image is the last thing on my mind…” I touched my face. “But she’s still on that hospital bed. Tell me what else, and I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”
His eyelids drooped to the ground. “In my story, Asmodeus recreates his own morbid past through reenactments, including the ending.”
My step faltered. “No,” I said sternly, his suggestion becoming vividly clear.
“If you love something, then let it go. That’s what Asmodeus did. He made the ultimate sacrifice.”
I wanted to rip Michael’s heart out as the ice-cold comprehension settled in. For the ultimate sacrifice had never been my looks, my career, or my money. It was my refusal to walk this earth alone without Sara by my side.
“You know as well as I do that Sara is the only thing you ever truly wanted in life. The rest was fluff.”
“Anything but that,” I rasped. She was the only one for me. He couldn’t take her from me. He couldn’t.
“If sacrifice were easy, then everyone would do it,” he consoled. “According to the story, she’ll survive if you live your life far away from hers.”
A life away from her.
I would never see her smile, or the mischief twinkling behind her eyes, or hear the husky way she called meTris.
Michael still wouldn’t admit to the existence of divinity, to the validity of his stories, or his association with what’s happening in our lives. Yet, I would readily burn in agony forever if there was even a slight chance of Sara living to see another day. With my knees shaking, I clutched at the wall next to me for support.
“Could she truly be happy without me?” How could that thought hurt more than anything else?
“She’ll live a good life,” he assured.
A good life with Tobias.
I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. I glared at Michael, needing a target for the anger I harbored at this cruel and unfair judgment. Death would be a better sentence for my crimes than this pain, but I knew God wouldn’t grant me death. He wanted me to roam this earth alone as my atonement for what I had done to Sara. And though I had never admitted to Michael about my crimes, I had an inkling that he somehow knew of them.
“Fuck you, Michael, and your God. How could he make me love her so much only to take her away from me?”
I was ready to rip his tongue out if he said something proverbial like,God works in mysterious ways. But not another word passed between us. Michael stood silent, allowing me this pain.
Thoroughly defeated, I left on shaky legs until they carried me to the car and back to the hospital.
I knew what had to be done.But why, God?I demanded in my mind.What cruel reasons could you possibly have to make me love her for all these years only so I could lose her?
God didn’t answer me, and I realized that neither did the Devil for the first time in my life.
God wasn’t by my side.
Neither was Sara.
Even the Devil had left me.
I was truly destined to walk this earth alone.
* * *
“Her situation has worsened,” I overheard one of the doctors on my way to Sara’s room.
“I think it’s best to let the families know,” said another one, twisting the knife inside my heart.
I stepped inside the grey hospital room. If Sara were awake, she’d hate it. She’d complain about the room and demand an outfit change to something white or frilly.
A sardonic smile graced my lips at the thought. I sat next to a quiet Sara, hooked up to machines. The scene didn’t fit her, and I wished she’d wake up to complain.
