Page 39 of Lust
The self-destructive tendencies Sara had chipped away had now started to rebuild themselves without her presence. And fuck, I couldn’t breathe without her. Couldn’t think of taking one more step.
Don’t think about her. Don’t. Think about anything but Sara’s betrayal.
But how could I not when she was all I had thought about for years? I never wanted anything so badly in my life; I had never looked at a woman and gone mad with desire the way I did with her. She had become my singular obsession to the point I breathed, ate, and slept around thoughts of Sara.
Meanwhile, she planned to move on with Tobias and leave me behind.
Over my dead fucking body.
Stumbling out of the hotel room, I decided to give voice to the demon instead of the angel. Because at least demons were forthright about their intentions. Because anything was better than feeling this way. Because I had to smother the whisper that this was to be my life for trading away love.
And for the first time in my adult life, I suffered what hundreds of women had claimed to experience at my hands.
Heartbreak.
“Idon’t know,” Tobias said unsurely over the phone.
“Please, Tobias. Give me a chance to fix things.”
“I don’t think you understand,” he said quietly. “It’s not only that I’m falling for you, but I’minlove. I love you, Sara.”
My stomach rocked. It was too fast, but he said the word with such absolution that I believed him. I didn’t know how to respond, so instead, I waited for him to continue.
“And if you’re not even attracted to me, then why am I torturing myself by being around you—”
“No, Tobias. That’s not the case at all.”
I was jittery over what happened last night and needed a Wet Nap to wipe my dirty mind clean. Tristan had officially lost it, and I hadn’t processed it. In a fit of rage and anger, he tackled my lips. Even he didn’t know what he planned to achieve from it. After our parents barged in, Tris appeared mortified over his actions and made for an abrupt escape.
Luckily, our parents left today for another one of Tris’ campaigns, saving me the embarrassment of any further discussions. Hopefully, by the time they returned, it’d all be a distant memory.
Only, I had no idea how Tris and I could recover from the setback.
My salacious mind was out-of-control because there was a moment last night when I didn’t fight back. It had scared me so terribly that I couldn’t stop screaming. Only the gun pointed at Tris had snapped me out of it.
When you started acting indecently around your own damn family, that’s when you were in serious need of finding God. Since God had left me, I needed to take matters into my own hands.
“Tobias, I am attracted to you. Come over tonight after your shift. My parents are gone, and we’ll have the house to ourselves. I want to take the next step with you,” I blurted.
The whole ordeal with Tristan solidified one thing for me. I needed to redirect my sexually charged energy toward a healthier counterpart. All the signs were pointing at Tobias.
A curse that had haunted me for years had been lifted, and the most sexual virgin on earth was being given the green light to have sex.
A hot guy was in love with me. Tobias was a beacon of hope, and I worried about losing him if I didn’t show that I was into him, too.
And my parents were due to visit a few districts in deep Virginia for Tris’ campaign, so we had an empty house.
The universe was screaming for me to lose my virginity, and I had zero reasons to hold back.
Tobias paused on the other side. “Sara, that’s not what I meant. I want to take you out on a date, but you have been so hesitant—”
“I have just been nervous about starting something new. That’s done with now. I’m tired of being scared, and I am tired of waiting.”
“I don’t mind waiting—”
“But I do,” I interrupted. “I don’t want to wait any longer. We’ll go on a date… after. I-I want this with you.”
He was quiet for so long that I wondered if he’d say no. “Losing your virginity is a big deal, Sara. You sure about this?”
