Page 96 of Lust
No more doubt resided in my mind. She would die if I stayed next to her.
This fucking hurt more than anything in my life. Not even when she found me out or we fell from the second story did an excruciating pain like this grip my insides. I wanted to rip out my rotten heart to stop the pain. But the image of a dead Sara was one I couldn’t sedate even by ripping my heart out.
With a soft kiss on her forehead, I murmured, “I came to say goodbye, my little Angel. I wish you nothing but happiness.”
It had been centuries since her death. All the same, Asmodeus returned to Sarah’s grave for his daily visit.
He needn’t turn to know that the Archangel Michael had joined him. They were both in human form, and bystanders mistook them for regular mourners at the cemetery. Still, many cast a longing glance at the Prince of Hell because… well, why wouldn’t they stare? He was the Demon of Lust, after all.
Michael was a pest. He had been a thorn in Asmodeus’ side for too long, always disclosing his plans for the mortals to steer them in the ‘right direction.’ Whether he was here today in silent camaraderie—as he had done several times before—or to coax Asmodeus into letting the mortals win this round remained unclear.
It turned out to be the latter.
“He gave up everything for her,” he whispered. “Let the girl live her life with him. He loves his Sara as much as you love yours.”
Michael used the present tense love instead of loved because it was true. He still loves his Sarah with every fiber of his rotten heart. But he could never see her again because she resided in Heaven, the one place he couldn’t return to.
Bitterness seeped through Asmodeus as he stared at Sarah’s grave. If God had destined for him to live eternity alone, he wanted each of God’s children to feel the same pain, especially when they were also Tobias’ children. They continued to sacrifice love for hollow temptations. None of them would ever love someone the way he loves his Sarah. So much so that even centuries later, he had her grave maintained to be close to her, though the sight itself caused him irreparable pain.
“Much good it did me,” the demon spoke at long last. “I would have never hurt my Sarah the way Tristan hurt his. Yet, God made it so I couldn’t even touch her. Despite my devotion, God separated us forever.”
“Did God do that?” Michael asked absentmindedly. “You’re the Demon of Lust. Mortal women fall at your feet whenever you walk this earth in human form. Think Asmodeus. Has God ever interfered in your choices or theirs?”
Despite his resentment, he had to sullenly grant that God had never interfered withchoice. It was Asmodeus who murmured in the mortals’ ears to coax them, not He.
The words left like hot lava flowing through his broken heart because if God hadn’t interfered, what did that mean? Why could he never touch Sarah while she was alive?
“It was never God,” Michael spoke softly, a pang of regret laced in his tone. “Don’t you see? Deep down, you knew that defying God and sinking into sin would be your downfall. You didn’t want your sins to touch Sarah.”
Michael placed a hand on his shoulder with a kindness Asmodeus hadn’t felt since Sarah. He didn’t know how to accept this truth.
“It wasn’t God, brother. Instead, you made it so Sarah could never see you, nor could you touch her. Because if she saw your face, she would have fallen in love with you like so many before. But you wanted Sarah to love someone worthy, someone who could join her in Heaven. You protected her even from yourself and with the greatest sacrifice of all. Love.”
Asmodeus fell to his knees.
The words Michael spoke were too raw, too honest. He put his hands over his ears, unable to accept the truth.
“Ash, you’ve refused to see the truth for years, choosing in its place to hurt Sarah and Tobias’ lineage. To hurtallmortals. The boy has proven the depth of his love with the same sacrifice. Even after all the things you’ve murmured in his ears, forcing him down the wrong path, he fought the whispers for her sake. And even after he did the worst thing to her, she’d sacrifice herself for him. Come now. Don’t take this love away from them.”
And suddenly, the Demon of Lust could do nothing more than break down into tears. He wept for his Sarah, whom he protected from himself. And he wept for the two humans, touched by their devotion to one another. How anything could still touch his painfully broken heart was beyond him.
Humbled, broken, shattered, Asmodeus retrieved the heart he had torn out from his chest centuries ago and closed his eyes with a final sigh of defeat.
Icouldn’t have left the damned hospital fast enough. Gulping for oxygen was futile because Sara was the only oxygen I needed to survive. Without her, I was choking like a fish out of water and realized horridly that’s how I’d feel for the rest of my life.
I practically sprinted to my car, hoping that my heavy footsteps on the ground would drown out the sorrow budding inside. For more than two hours, I had Steve drive around aimlessly without a city or destination in mind.
I couldn’t force myself into selecting a path. The horrifying truth to the matter cut deep gashes inside me in a crisscross fashion. Regret, self-pity, sorrow, and all human feelings that the Devil used to prod me to shed, hit me at the same time.
I was gutted.
I was so broken.
There’d never be a time, not even a millisecond, when I wouldn’t be so in love with her that it hurt. I would love her until the end of time. So, I’d have to carry this pain with me for eternity until my last breath on earth, along with my remaining days in purgatory. I could almost hear the melody of a newly-awakened Sara complaining about the hospital gown. A thought that only made me love her more.
As soon as Steve had driven me far enough from the hospital, I instructed him to call the estate lawyers and transfer my inheritance to Sara. She would do much better with the money than I ever could.
But before he could make the call, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Looking down, I saw Michael’s number etched on the caller ID.
