Page 55 of Organized Chaos
Multiple episodes later, a doctor suggested prescription marijuana since other drugs failed to work. Raven and Reid were for it, while Milo loathed all drugs with a passion. This was the point of a long-standing argument, even though meditation and prescription marijuana had turned me onto a better path.
“Answer this question without thinking,” Brandon spoke suddenly. “If you could do anything or be anyone, what would it be?”
“A makeup artist,” I answered without hesitation. “And I’d want to create a clean line of products by making my own.”
“Clean products?”
“Like vegan makeup.”
Growing up, Milo and I shared a bond over our mutual passion for academics. He encouraged me to compete with him in trivia and political discussions and was never displeased if I bested him. If anything, he spurred me on.
However, our opinions varied on the application of said academics. Milo was ambitious and driven. He loved applicable knowledge with the means to better our lives. Whereas I loved knowledge for the sheer sake of learning.
I was interested in human behavior because of my mom and because I could never master it myself. Milo pegged it as my calling and identified the best undergraduate programs for Psychology—Stanford and Yale.
Yale won because it was closer to home.
I was too young to understand the weight of his dreams for me—a Park Avenue home, a title in front of my name, respect, adoration, an all-around good life. He simply forgot to ask if that’s what I wanted.
By the time I had developed my own interests, I was already in too deep. None of what I wanted fit the bill for what Milo had in store for me.
Milo was the golden child, and he expected me to be even better. I didn’t have the heart to disappoint the brother who traded in his own childhood in exchange for mine. It seemed awful to become a starving artist after all he had given up for my sake. In return, he only wanted a good life for me so he could rest easy. Who was I to deny him so little?
Besides, it seemed logical based on my skill sets. Anyone around me for five minutes also assumed I’d pursue something academia-oriented.
I waited for Brandon to voice similar opinions.
“Interesting concept. But getting to that point should hardly be so stressful that you need a prescription to function.”
I peeked up at Brandon, surprised that hewasn’tsurprised. His devastatingly handsome face was solemn, devoid of any personal opinions. He had no expectations out of me other than whatever I wanted in life. It was... beautifully liberating.
“You’re right. It shouldn’t.”
Brandon grabbed my hand, thumb gently stroking it in soothing motions. I stared at our intertwined fingers, wondering for the hundredth time if now was the opportune moment to come clean.
Please don’t hate me.
Brandon spoke before I could open my mouth. “There is something you should know about my family.”
Grieving over his dad had opened up slivers of Brandon’s heart. I knew it was temporary. As soon as he healed, Brandon would return to his reserved self. But in the interim, I sought to soak up all he had to share.
However, I had lost the right to hear his innermost thoughts as Brandon would be sharing it with a fictional character—a fake woman—not me.
“Brandon, I know it’s difficult for you to speak about your family. You don’t have to talk about it.”
“I don’thaveto,” he agreed, “but Iwantto.”
My face rested in the crook of his neck, ear pressed against his chest. I could hear his heart racing. Brandon was nervous. A first.
“Years ago, there was a scandal surrounding my family. Dad eventually buried the stories with money, so you can’t find this information online; it only exists in the form of hearsay. But I wanted you to know the truth about me. My dad... cheated on my mom with an underaged girl.”
I froze.
Brandon also paused for a few beats, assessing my reaction. “Carmen was one of my best friends and only seventeen when their affair first started. She lied about her age. By the time Dad found out, he was already in too deep and refused to break it off. It’s the reason why I was so angry with him.”
I had the sudden urge to throw up.
“Carmen used to joke how she never wanted to work a day in her life and would much rather trap a rich older man than attend college. I blew it off. Thought it was funny. Never in a million years did I think she’d trapmyfather and destroy our family in the process. I fucking hate her for it.”
