Page 110 of Isolation
“Yes!” I turn around with so much fury that Milo tenses. “I’ve lost my fucking mind. You are not the only person who gets to lose their mind and use that excuse to justify your behavior.”
Resentment. That’s the word, and that’s the feeling coursing through me.
Resentment over losing Milo, who used to be my hero. Resentment over making me break my bond with Reid. Resentment over turning me into a fucking statistic. Resentment over not being able to trust Milo.
Most of all, resentment over having to feel scared of Milo, instead of feeling safe. I can’t be with the man in front of me in the way I want without breaking myself.
It all fills me to the brim with resentment.
“Why?” I ask sharply. “Why did you do it? And why did you do itonlytome?” I jab my index finger to my chest as years of resentment on hold comes pouring out.
I have never forced anyone else.
That’s what he told me. So, why did I get to be the lucky one? Milo quietly watches me. I lean in closer so he can see the fury in my eyes.
“What did I ever do to you that was so horrible that you had to dothattome?” I say over my harsh breathing, which sounds loud in the quiet night.
Milo is still silent.
“Speak,” I howl. “Answer me.”
Coward.
When I don’t receive an answer, I turn away from him and slip inside the house.
-----------
Milo follows me inside the house, sliding the door shut behind him. I roam through my old house, scouring for the “special” floorboard.
I stiffen when I hear Milo’s voice in the dark living room, barely lit by the moonlight streaming through the windows.
“Do you remember the first time we met? We met in this room.”
Milo waits for a response. When he doesn’t get one, he speaks in a hushed voice.
“I was so relieved when Dad told me that you and Uncle John were moving to New York. Uncle John knew about my overwhelming home life so he always tried to give me a break.”
I remember our move. I was so excited to live in New York, next to Reid and Mia.
I was also excited to meet the Great Milo Sinclair, the golden boy who was a phantom to me.
Milo was my hero before I even met him. I had hoped he would exceed my expectations. He did.
“I hadn’t seen you in years. I didn’t know what to expect. When we met, all I saw was a mass of black hair. All I smelled was vanilla. Both imprinted on me that night. But when you addressed me in your eloquent way, that was when I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”
Milo’s voice is almost inaudible, so I stop shuffling and strain my ears.
“You became a part of my family. You turned to me for everything; advice, friendship. We connected on a level I have never experienced. I don’t know when I fell in love with you. I just know that it’s been almost a decade, and I still can’t pull myself out of that vortex.”
There is that word again.Love. It sounds foreign coming from his mouth.
Milo has coupled that word with such atrocious actions that it feels like an antonym at this point.
I don’t look at Milo, but I start moving again. I don’t care if my footsteps drown out his hushed voice. He doesn’t deserve to say that word to me.
If that’s how he felt he should have waited for me.If he waited for me, I could have given my heart to the Milo I want, instead of constantly living in fear of when he will morphe into the other man.
Wecould have been different if Milo waited instead of putting me in a powerless situation.
