Page 170 of Isolation
Right then and there I receive the answer to the last question in my mind.
Could I ever get past the fact that Raven slept with Milo?
I can.
Because the moment she said those words, none of the rest mattered anymore.
I am not concerned about right or wrong. I don’t care if she slept with my brother. She is the only thing I have truly ever wanted, and I can’t live without her.
I move on my own accord. Without direction. Without a plan. I move closer to her body.
I lean over, move her long dark hair off to one shoulder, and place a small kiss on her neck. I stop for a heart-pounding second as I breathe in her scent.
I am paralyzed in place. Just the little act has me wound up within myself.
Raven tenses.
Without giving her a chance to react I turn her around. I grab her by the waist and pin her against the shower wall.
Before Raven can say anything more, my lips come colliding against hers. One of my hands goes in her hair while the other goes to cup her face. I kiss her aggressively so she knows what I am pouring into this.
Years of yearning, longing, pining, all of it comes out in one kiss. I kiss her like it’s the last time I will ever kiss anyone in my life. I push my tongue inside her mouth and start exploring her. Her soft lips, her moist mouth; it’s all I have ever wanted.
It’s electrifying. It’s dynamic.
The hot water has run out and we are being doused by cold water. Even the cold water doesn’t affect how hard I am right now.
My breathing shudders. My heart is racing. My ears are pounding. I am kissing her desperately.
This is everything. This is what I have wanted all my life. I am never willing to let go.
But Raven is, she is willing to let go. Raven gently pushes me back. Her eyes are lowered. She hasn’t said anything but I still need to know.
“Why?” is all I can manage to ask. She knows what I am asking. Why is she stopping this? This is what we have both wanted since we were babies.
“You know why.”
“Because of Milo?”
“Reid, we were just kids when I felt that way. It was a long time ago. A lot has changed since then. I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life. I am working on cleaning up my mess. I have to make better decisions moving forward. This is not it.”
“Raven—”
“Please, Reid. Don’t make me into this person. I told you that I owe you my life. You helped me turn my life around. I would do almost anything for you. I love you with all of my heart. I could give you my kidney. Hell, I’d give you every single one of my organs if you need it. I’d die for you. But I can’t do this for you.Don’t make me the person who can’t face themselves because they are disgusted by their behavior."
My head is resting on her neck. I want this more than my next breath. I have never wanted anything so much in my life.
But I know Raven. I know why she wants to stop. It’s because she slept with Milo. She couldn’t deal with herself if she felt cheap. And if I push her right now, that’s how I would make her feel.
I can’t do that to Raven.
Not if she is going to lose herself as a result.
That’s not love.
I slowly step back and let her go. Turning around I exit the shower as Raven turns off the water.
Closing the bathroom door behind me, I head back to my own room.
