Page 88 of Quarantined
"We don't," I snap back.
"Unfortunately, you are not the only one who gets to decide that. You've been avoiding me."
"And you couldn't take the hint?" I snark back.
Milo looks at me for a long while. "I hate hurting you," he finally mutters.
Really!That's all he got? "Well, thank you for that. Now please leave."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Oh, do I sound annoyed? Just a few days ago you threatened to fuck me in front of your parents. I am sorry. I should be thrilled to speak to you," I say sarcastically.
Milo tries to make eye contact as he speaks. I avoid his gaze and look everywhere but at him. "Rave, I don't want to keep pushing you. But you refuse to talk about us. I am losing it here."
I snort. "Milo, go find someone else. All the girls who came over last weekend were dying to sleep with you. Just choose one and leave me alone. They won't mind your horny episodes. And your bipolar mood swings."
Milo flinches at my words. The pained expression he gives me is tearing up my heart. I shouldn't care. He doesn't get to give me puppy dog eyes, not after how he has been treating me. He promised he would never walk out on me, and then he left me. He broke my heart, just like my parents. And after he came back, all he wanted from me was my body. He didn't even care when I saidnoor asked him to stop. Fuck him!
The veil of deception has been lifted from my eyes. I don't idolize this man in front of me anymore. And I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. All he wants is sex.
Well, he doesn't needmefor that.
We had a Thanksgiving party last weekend. A lot of our family friends came over. Asher was conveniently left off the guest list. Half the girls here spent the night making moon eyes at Milo. Those girls are prettier than me. They were more experienced than me - hence better in bed. He can have his pick of the litter.
Milo is fixated on me because I rejected him. This is an ego thing. He doesn't care about me. His recent behavior is proof of that.
"Rave," Milo starts softly. "You have every reason to hate me. I don't know what I can say to make it better. I can't. I have no excuse for my behavior. The only thing I can tell you is, I can't live without you. I love you. I love you so fucking much. I don't know how to make it stop. I feel like the only way it would, is if I rip my fucking heart out."
How does Milo keep dropping the L-bomb so casually? Well he can, because he is lying. He will say anything to get me to spread my legs for him. I don't want to hear this. I don't want to listen to any of this.
"Shut up!" I screech. "Shut up, shut up. Stop lying through your teeth. You don't love me."
"Of course, I do. I have always loved you." Milo states like it's the most normal thing in the world. As if I should have just known.
"In that case, you are doing the most heinous things in the name of love. If you love me so damn much, how can you do what you did?" I jab a finger at his chest.
Milo doesn't respond. He focuses his eyes on me, his face covered in genuine sadness. I can't stop my traitorous heart to soften at that look. No matter how much I say that I hate him, at the end of the day it's still Milo. I could never hate my parents either, no matter how much they broke me. I suffer from bouts of unconditional love. I wish I could get that back in return.
I wish my father could love me without conditions, even if I don't come as a package deal with my mom. I wish my mom could love me, even if I can't fulfill her need for a glamorous lifestyle. I wish Milo could love me, even if I can't give him what he wants, physically.
Milo finally speaks. "You are right. You should tell everyone what I did. I deserve whatever punishment I get."
My heart squeezes so hard, I can't breathe. "I can't do that," I whisper.
"And why not?"
"You know why."
"Because you love me?"
Jesus. I gave him an inch, and he takes a yard. "No, I don't," I say firmly.
"Stop lying, Raven. Why can't you just admit it?"
Maybe some honesty will jolt him out of this insanity. "Milo, you were my first. You taught me everything I know and like about sex. So I might not be able to control my body reacting positively to you, but I can control everything else. You can force my body, maybe you can even manipulate it to respond to you. But you will never have anything else of mine. You will never have my heart."
Milo glares at me. I can already see the caring Milo leaving the vicinity, to be replaced by that lust-crazed sociopath I don't want to be around.
