Page 49 of Quarantined
Argh. Yes, I hear it. I am still fishing for compliments. I just gave up my virginity. Do I expect him to say that I amnotamazing? I need to see a therapist.
The problem is, I would have to ask Milo to take me. How awkward would that be? To ask to be taken to a head doctor right after we have sex.
“You are. And so much more.” He kisses me on my cheek and then my temple. “I know it wasn’t the same experience for you. I know it hurts. It will be uncomfortable the first few times. But I promise it will be amazing after that.”
I thought this was a one time. Why is Milo talking like this will happen again?
Shit.
I should have known better.
Milo doesn’t do one-night stands. He is way too paranoid about diseases to do random hookups. At least remembering that little fact puts me at ease about him being clean.
Plus, Milo believes that one-night stands don’t result in good sex. People need time to learn each other’s bodies, so they can play each other like a marionette. Or so I have heard from hisgroupies.
If Milo does meet someone he is attracted to, he lets them know that he can only offer friendship or casual dating with no strings attached. He is nice and respectful to the girls. I have talked to enough of them to know. They engage in a mutually beneficial relationship, resulting in sexual satisfaction for a while.
Once either of them gets bored, which usually means that once Milo is bored, there is an honest conversation. They end the physical aspect and remain friends. Or sometimes they drift apart.
He expects the same from me.
My heart sinks. I thought, at the very least, my sick desire for closeness with Milo was being fulfilled through sex. It made me feel special, knowing only I got to feel this closeness with him.
I don’t even get that. He has shared this post-orgasm closeness with lots of other women. Some of whom are his closest friends. He wants me the same way he wants them. Friendship with sex, and then back to being friends. He will leave me as soon as he is done with me. Nothing about that makes me special to him or different from the others. I feel so stupid.
I gave up my virginity in an unsure moment. I broke Reid’s trust. I don’t feel closer to Milo. And my vagina hurts so much that I want to rip it out. Despite the few orgasms, this wasn’t worth it.
I can feel his eyes getting heavy beside me. My own are tearing up with my rampant emotions.
Maybe this is why people don’t take sex or giving up their virginity so lightly. I wish I waited till I was completely sure.
Sex is bringing up a vulnerability in me like I have never experienced before. Now I understand why sex complicates things. The physical affects the emotional. I try to scoot away from Milo to make my way to my room.
“Where are you going?” Milo’s hold on me immediately tightens.
“To my room.”
“No.”
“No?”
“Sleep here with me,” he states as a finality. Softly kissing my temple, he drags me back to his arms.
“Umm… I want to take a shower and get in my PJs. I also want to call my parents.”
“I have an attached bathroom with everything you need for a shower.” He points to his bathroom door. “You can sleep in my boxer shorts and a tee. Or any of my other clothes.” He points to his dresser. “My phone has an international plan if you want to call your parents.” He points at his phone.
I don't say the real reason I shouldn't sleep here. Reid didn’t share his flight details. But I know that he is coming home at some point tomorrow. If I stay here we might get caught by Reid in the morning. Milo knows that as well.
Just earlier, Milo was irritated about any potential hookups I might have brought here. Even if we are not bringing random hookups home, hooking up here seems hypocritical. Not to mention that Reid will probably throw the biggest shit storm.
Milo turns me over to my back. He is propped up on his side, eyes roaming my face as if he is searching for my response. I think he can feel my defiance through my body language.
“We are sleeping together,” he clarifies. “Either here or in your room.”
I wonder if this is another ego thing. Beautiful models have sex with him. I am sure they will happily sleep through the night with him. And I don’t want to. Is this just about his bruised ego?
It doesn’t make any sense. Since I got back I have met a different Milo. Someone borrowing his skin, his shell. The insides and personalities are completely different. Milo is self-sacrificing. He prioritizes others. This is not him. Milo would never hurt Reid’s feelings, just because of his pride.
