Page 37 of Quarantined
I needed this. I pined for that look. It’s the high I have been chasing. I’m defenseless against her and that look.
“Don’t I at least get a hug for giving you the perfect present?” What am I saying? I spent my summer trying to forget her. Now I am seeking out physical contact. I must be a masochist.
“Huh?” She is just as surprised by my request. I don’t care. I need physical contact.
“You just said I gave you the perfect gift. Not to mention we haven’t seen each other all summer. I assumed I’d at least get a hug?”
I slowly walk up to her, my hands moving around to her back. Raven is still staring at me like she is trying to read my expression or understand me. I don’t care either way. My hands wrap around her lower back even tighter. Her arms wrap around my neck. I palm the back of her head with one hand, the other still around her waist. I pull her close.
I turn my head as I smell her for the first time in months. Vanilla. That intoxicating smell. I want to smell more of it. I want to smell her hair, her neck, her pulse, every part of her skin. I want to inhale her vanilla scent so deep that it imprints on me. I have been craving this for months—the smell of my infatuation.
It just takes one simple hug to break the beaver dam I built to keep out my desire for her. I know now what I have known all summer, what I refused to admit, even to myself.
I can’t let her go. Not now. Not ever.
My heart is hammering, in fear that she’ll pull away. I close my eyes. But she stays put, complacent. She feels so right in my arms. Jesus.
I want her. I want her so much—more than I’ve ever wanted anyone before.
“I missed you, Raven.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
I didn’t expect her to respond so readily. I feel the certainty of attraction between us. But the elephant in the room is still with us—my resentment, bitterness, anger. The hell I went through this summer.
Before I can stop myself, I growl out, breaking the spell. “Then why did you leave like that?”
I surprise myself, and Raven, with the sheer volume of my voice. She jumps out of my hold.
NO.I almost shout when she pulls back. My hands quickly tighten around her back, refusing to let go.
“I didn’t mean to… I am s-sorry.” Raven stammers.
“Sorry! That’s all you have to say? I have been worried sick. Do you know how I felt this whole summer?”
She told me she loved me. We kissed, then she left without any warning and ignored me all summer. Raven is strong. No matter what her feelings are, she has enough self-restraint to do the right thing. I know that. She was trying to do the right thing and made the best decision for both of us.
But that doesn’t decrease the pain or anger.
I am looking down at her. Bitter. Lustful. Without warning, I grab her arms and pin her to the wall. My body covers every inch of hers. I hold her arms down by her side.
“Why, Raven?” My voice reflects what is going on inside me, the feeling of being torn apart.
“Milo… I…” Raven looks shocked.
“Fuck!” All my anger from the summer comes out. I crush my lips to hers. One of my hands fists her hair, the other pinning down one of her tiny wrists.
I slowly move my mouth back from her soft lips. Raven looks like she doesn’t have a single coherent thought. She is speechless.
Good! I am still pissed, and that wasn’t enough.
I slam my lips back onto hers. I groan and tilt my head. I finally do something I never had the chance to do. I push my tongue inside her mouth, giving her no choice but to open for me.
Raven is frozen. She has not stopped me, but I can feel her holding back. I keep stroking her tongue aggressively, demanding that she respond. Raven tentatively reciprocates, and I moan as our tongues collide.
The kiss turns rough. I lick her bottom lip. Then lick my way down her to her throat, groaning against her skin. “You taste so good.” I am breathing so loud, like a starved man taking in his last meal.
I stop at her neck and suck on her skin. I slowly pant against her neck, praying to divine intervention for more control. I nibble on her neck. A sensitive spot on her neck makes Raven moan. She reflexively fists her hands into my shirt and arches her back as I keep at it and suck hard enough to leave a mark.
