Page 17 of Quarantined
Reid, in particular, fights me every step of the way. I have found cigarette butts in his room, weed, and on occasion, random girls. His anger is entirely out of control. I have tried and tried, but his rebellious streak is mentally exhausting.
Mia is my light, but she is difficult too. She needs a nanny. Someone who can pick her up from school and take care of her. But she chases away all of her carefully vetted nannies.
On top of taking care of them, I also want to ensure that they are not spoiled rich kids. I have to force them to do chores to earn an allowance, do their homework, set the dinner table, etc. Some days, my schedule is so packed that the idea of waking up the next day and doing it all over again paralyzes me.
When Raven came into my life, she put it all back together. She put me back together.
It started innocently enough. When she moved in, she'd help me clean up after dinner and casually talk to me about life. Soon, our discussions evolved further than that, and we'd stay up for hours, sharing everything. Pouring our souls out to each other.
When I talk to Raven, she just listens. She never offers advice or hollow sympathies. Instead, she slowly started taking on some of my responsibilities. She would check in on mom, get her to take a shower, clean her room. She convinced Mia to let the nanny stay over, so I could have a normal college life.
She is also the only person who knows how to deal with Reid. She knows when to stand her ground with him and when to leave him alone to stew in his own anger.
She does everything in her power to make my life a little bit easier. To give me some flexibility in my schedule. I look at her, and for the first time in years, I can breathe. Like really breathe. I have been taking care of everyone for so long, I never realized how much I needed someone to take care of me.
I know she has a little crush on me. She always looks at me like I am the only man in the whole world. A lot of our friends suspect the same and tease me about her crush, not expecting that I could possibly reciprocate similar feelings. It’s supposed to be cute. Like when a twelve-year-old has a crush on an adult man. It's so unthinkable; it doesn't cross anyone's mind that it could be real. No one takes it seriously. I try not to take it seriously either, chalking it up to adolescent nonsense. It's getting more difficult to do so with each passing day.
No matter how I feel, I am the older one in this situation. I have to make the tough calls, the responsible decisions. So I restrain myself. I have to. Uncle John will lose all respect for me if I chase after his fifteen-year-old daughter, who is legally my dependent.
So I do the best I can. I don't have the heart to tell her not to come to my room to talk. But I make sure to leave the door open, to ensure her actions are perceived innocently enough. I always try to mask my own expressions and emotions, as to never lead her on.
It's hell.
I keep telling myself that these feelings are fleeting. They will pass. They have to. Our feelings are amplified because our lives are shit. Yet, time barely moves without her. I am always watching the clock. I am drowning in my obsession, waiting for the clock to announce the next minute. Another minute means another moment closer to her.
My biggest hope is that she will get over her feelings for me.
My biggest fear is that she will get over her feelings for me.
Yes, it's all a paradox.
Which is why it's killing me right now, to sit here and not touch her. She is watching the movie, and I can't read her expression. She is a foot away, but it feels like a million miles.
Unable to help myself, I reach over and wrap my hand around her tiny foot. It's tucked in beside her on the couch, close to me. Her head is still on Reid's shoulder, but she twists it to the side to look at me.
I give it a gentle squeeze, and then tickle her feet. She gives me her million-dollar smile. She still sees me. My heart swells, and I know I can take it. I can live another passing moment without her. As long as she showers me withthatlook, I can take on anything.
CHAPTER 4
May 2nd, 2015
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Raven
I am turning seventeen tonight.Weare turning seventeen tonight. Another year. Another joint party.
At midnight, Reid and I will turn seventeen. Milo is throwing us a joint party like he does every year. Everyone is already at the party. A limo has been arranged by Milo, to pick us up for late arrival. We are to make an “entrance.”
I am putting on some finishing touches as we wait for the limo. I am wearing a scandalous two-piece outfit tonight, aTheressa Beckett Special, as we call them. The top is white, and almost resembles a bra. It has thin straps and shows a little bit of cleavage. The skirt begins right below where the top ends. So it only exposes a little bit of my midriff.
It’s tight. Very tight. I am shocked my mother is the one who sends me these kinds of outfits. Maybe Europe is more open-minded.
I straightened my hair for the party tonight. I am wearing a lot of mascara to highlight my eyes. Per usual, I am wearing minimal foundation.
The outfit is completed with some dangle earrings and a pair of high heeled Louboutins.
I spot Reid at the bottom of the stairs as I walk down to join him. Reid’s in a tight button-down shirt with black slacks. He has bulked up so much in the last couple of years. That little boy I knew is now a two hundred pound man.
