Page 64 of Quarantined
I am twenty years old and have never had a girlfriend. Kind of fucking pathetic, considering how early I started with my sexual conquests.
I am not a commitment-phobe. There was simply never enough time, with my responsibilities towards my siblings and my own grueling academics. And I never met anyone who intrigued me enough to give them that title.
I have gone on dates before. But the first or second date is when I tell someone that I don't want to be in a committed relationship. We can date casually as long as there are no expectations, or we can be friends with benefits.
When I went to college, I finally had some free time, or at least enough free time for a girlfriend. This is thanks to Raven, who picked up the slack. But once I did have time, I had lost all interest in other women. I pined after the only girl I couldn’t have for years on end. At that time, I could barely even admit it to myself.
Since we started sleeping together, it’s been just highs and lows. Sometimes I feel so connected to her. Like the old Raven, who is madly in love with me. Other days, she just shuts down.
Just last week I went to her room to check on her after I found out that she missed her dance class. I found her sleeping and barely responsive. Out of nowhere she came on to me, initiated sex, looked at me like I am all she needs. Afterward, I tried to talk about us. And she immediately shut down.
I haven't tried to talk to her about "us" since then. I realized that maybe we don’t need to have a “talk.” Raven clearly doesn’t like heavy or awkward conversations. She’d much rather continue as is. I don’t have all the answers either on how to make it work between us.
I simplified it. I am content being with her in any way I can. I want to be with only her. I know she wants me too. We can both be all in, even if we can’t say the words to each other. After all, actions speak louder than words.
So, I thought we could start by doing things together, outside of the bedroom. Hence, I was irritated as fuck when she went out last night. I didn't commit to any plans because of her.
Asher threw a party last night in celebration of our new app. It would have been suspicious if I took Raven to the party without taking Reid with me. And I wasn’t going to leave Mia home by herself, not unless I could get her to agree on letting the nanny stay over. I was going to talk to Raven about all this. But was trumped by Janeen’s party. I couldn’t say no. I have set clear expectations with Raven and Reid. As long as they meet them, I have always allowed them reasonable freedom and independence. I understood early on that telling a teenagernowill just end with more teen rebellion.
Either way, I stayed home, hoping she would come home early. I waspissedwhen she told me that she was staying over. All of my jealousy came rushing back. Fuck! Lately all I feel is jealous, possessive, and out of my mind.
Last night, all I thought was,who is she with and which horny teenagers are making moves on her?
The reasonable side of me was happy that she was being safe and staying over. The caveman side of me wanted to take a cab over there and drag her back home.
Except I couldn’t do that. Not without raising extreme suspicion.
At this point, most of my shame has already left the building. I should feel like a piece of shit for sleeping with an underage girl, who I am supposed to be taking care of. I can barely admit the reality of our truth to myself. But I don’t care anymore. I am all in. I have known it since the day we kissed. Since even before then. I just don’t know how to go about it.
But it would be hell for Raven and my siblings, if the word was to get out about us. They wouldn’t be able to deal with the taunting and gossip.
I haven’t seen Raven since she left for the party last night. I spent the day meeting up with the group about marketing strategies for the app. We just launched it for beta testing, and we are trying to get a feel for the reception. I sent her a text in between work.
I decided that instead of being irrationally angry at her about the party, I need to be proactive. I asked her to meet me for an actual date before she made any other plans. I made all the arrangements. The nanny is staying over tonight to watch Mia. I made reservations at Raven’s favorite restaurant. After dinner, I am going to take her to her favorite Fro-Yo place, although Raven will still insist on getting dessert at Sorento’s as well.
It’s only two minutes after 7:30 pm, and I am already getting impatient. I am about to shoot her a text when I see Raven, walking through the restaurant door.
I swear, every time I see that girl, it’s like all the air has been knocked out of me. I always notice her hair first. With her pale complexion, the hair looks like the darkest black I have ever seen. My eyes land on her generous lips. They always look plump, kissable, biteable.
I am getting distracted. I need to stay focused.
I put up a hand to wave, and our eyes lock. It’s like electricity coursing through me. Like there is no one else in the room. The moment we lock eyes, everything else fades. Like a social media filter, the background fades, and we are the only things in focus.
She smiles shyly and walks over. Why am I so nervous? I live with this girl.
She is in a casualTheressa Beckett Special, which is still more revealing than most other outfits. The dress comes to her thighs, but her four inch heels elongate her toned legs, making the dress seem even shorter.
I love the skin she is showing. But so does every other asshole in here, who eye her like she is on display. I want to stampmineon her forehead so none of them would dare look again.
I stand as she reaches the booth.
“Hi,” Raven leans over to give me a kiss on the cheek.
“Hi. How are you?”
“Good.”
“Here,” I hand her a menu and lead her into the booth, sliding in next to her.
