Page 43 of Quarantined
I look at my phone for the hundredth time. I am hoping for a call. A text. Anything. I throw my phone across the room and only get angrier that it lands on the carpet. I needed to hear the noise of something shatter right now. In fact, I want to hear everything shatter right now. I want to destroy everything around me. I want to destroy my house. All of my possessions. All of my siblings' possessions. I want to be surrounded by chaos and darkness, like how I feel on the inside.
I start to breathe heavily and touch my chest, where a budding pain is building. I know my anxiety is growing, and an impending panic attack is around the corner. The only person who can calm me down is nowhere in sight. Biting down my ego, I pick up the phone and shoot her another text.
You need to come home.
Is everything ok?
I am shaking with pent-up anger and other emotions.
Come home. NOW!
Why?
Because I said so.
You are scaring me. What’s going on?
Is she kidding? It’s been months of the same crap, and she is asking what’s going on. I am over it. She is fucking with my head.
Please don’t argue. Just come home.
Ok.
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Raven
I am staring at my phone. Milo has never spoken to me like that. Like a strict parent. Reid and I have always enjoyed our freedom, as long as we follow Milo's rules.
Milo sometimes chides Reid about his questionable decisions but has always praised me for my responsible outlook. He trusts me to make good decisions. He always treats me like an equal.
So what the hell was that?
Janeen and I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary than what we usually do during summer vacation. We had breakfast, went to watch a movie, walked around, and ended the day by grabbing some dinner at a cafe near my house. I was just getting ready to head back when Milo hit me with his tornado of demands to come home.
I have to remind myself that Milo has every right to talk to me that way. After all, he is the one who sets the rules in my life. And I don’t want to fight with him. After what happened over the summer, I just wanted to come back to apologize to Milo, and get back to our normal.
Except that everything has gone so wrong. Wemade a mistake. And now I don’t know how to talk to him or be around him. I needed to regroup, so I spent the day avoiding him.
It's selfish to feel this way. After what I put him through this summer, this is the last thing I should have pulled. I am treating him unfairly. I know that.
It takes two to tango. He is probably just as confused as I am. We need to talk and figure this out. I need to stop acting so self-absorbed and I need to stop running away all the time.
Plus, Mia is coming home soon. She hates it when there is negativity or tension in the household. She can sense when something is off even if no words have been spoken. If we don't sort out our shit, it will fuck with her head. She was already angry at me for abruptly leaving over the summer. It took weeks of texting and calling for her to get back in her good graces. I don't want to rock that boat.
Not to mention, Milo gets overwhelmed when the load piles up. His anxiety takes over, sometimes turning into panic attacks. A twenty-year-old should not have this much on their plate.
Maybe that’s why the texts sounded so urgent.
Shit.
Maybe he is having an attack right now. I need to get home. Now.
I grab my bag and fork over some cash for the check. I provide a measly apology to Janeen about having to run off so quickly. I hug her goodbye, and we promise to see each other over the weekend. Right now, I need to be with my family.
I practically power walk home, making it back in the record time of under five minutes. As soon as my keys turn the lock, I rush inside. Dropping my purse by the stairs, I run up to Milo’s room.
Turning the knob, I push the door open. Milo is sitting on the bed. Both of his hands are intertwined to the back of his head. He is looking down.
