Page 25 of Quarantined
This is the first time I feel a panic attack ensuing, and Raven is indisposed. I have been relying on the serenity she brings to my life. Now, I only know how to deal with my attacks through the tranquility she provides. I took that for granted. I tookherfor granted.
One night. It’s just one night that Raven is not at my beck and call. Just one night, when she is distracted by a party. A party inherhonor. And I can’t deal. I am falling apart, paralyzed without her.
This is not fair to her. I can’t expect this from her when I am supposed to be taking care of her. It's not supposed to be the other way around.
Yet that’s how it is. I have been taking care of everyone. And she has been taking care of me.
I try to take shallow breaths. Despite my better judgment, I take a Xanax. I hate taking Xanax. It slows my heart, but not the way Raven calms me down.
The thought of her pinches my chest. I can’t shake the weird vibe I got from her tonight. I want to clear this up as soon as possible. I also want to give her the gift and have a normal conversation.
I hear voices outside. Without overthinking, I grab the envelope from my jacket pocket and let myself into Raven’s room.
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Raven
I did as Reid suggested. I put some distance between Milo and I. It already feels like there is peace in the Sinclair home.
Reid’s mood has been bipolar over the last few years. At times, he gets along with Milo. They have their gym routine, and we all hang out as a family. At other times, Reid goes off on Milo about the pettiest of things.
Milo is concerned that these arguments might affect Mia negatively. One time Mia started crying while Reid was yelling at Milo. Milo hates upsetting Mia. Even when they are not fighting, Milo walks on eggshells, concerned about what will set off Reid’s next outburst.
Milo tries to shield Mia from Reid’s wrath. Reid is not so eager to comply. Sometimes he looks guilty for yelling at Milo in front of Mia. At other times, it’s like he has no control over his rage.
Exactly why it’s easier to adore Milo and take his side over Reid’s. Milo wants peace in the home. He thinks logically and keeps his calm.
Well, I am going to help Milo bring peace to the Sinclair family, even if he doesn't know it.
True to his words, Reid has been a loving brother to Milo tonight. There have been no snarky comments and no passive-aggressive remarks.
I can’t remember the last Sinclair outing we had, where Reid went this long without making at least a backhanded comment to Milo.
In exchange, I just had to hang out with my best friend andnotlook at his older brother like a creeper. It’s safe to say that this should not be considered a huge sacrifice on my part.
Tonight, Reid recognized Milo’s contributions to his life. Milo looked so happy during Reid’s speech. He has been yearning for Reid’s appreciation. And Reid’s been yearning for mine. He couldn’t give Milo that appreciation till he felt appreciated by me. I get it now.
Milo needs his brother. Reid needs me. The Sinclair siblings need each other. And I need all three of them to survive my otherwise lonely life.
Which means I have to stop acting like… like… like a “groupie.”
I shudder. Was I acting like one of them? I like those girls, but they hang all over Milo making moon eyes, hoping he’d throw them a bone.
Yuck! Self-respect, where art thou?
I suddenly wish Reid had this conversation with me years ago. I needed this dose of reality. I have been in a religious cult, praying to the church of Milo.
During our party, I caught Alexa drooling all over Milo by the bar. Oh God, am I part ofthatcult? I refuse to follow Milo around like a duckling.
While I will miss our special friendship, it’s not worth my self-respect. And the way Reid worded it, it sounds like it was definitely in a one-sided friendship.
Still, I will miss his guidance and mentorship. He has never steered me wrong. Every advice and suggestion has proved beneficial and made my life better. I know I will miss that the most. But at least I get my best friend back. The non-angry Reid.
On the way home, Reid and I do another set of sing-along and dance performances in the limo. When the limo comes to a stop, Reid drags me out. He takes me in a bear hug and twirls me around. I scream and we laugh till he sets me down. With his arms still around me, he leans back to look at me.
“Thank you! Tonight was awesome! We haven’t had that much fun together in so long.”
He gives me a soft appreciative kiss on the cheek and puts his forehead to mine. I smile in agreement.
