Page 81 of Better Daddy
Emotion clogs my throat and I avert my gaze. It’s hard to think about our childhood. It’s hard to picture the little boys we used to be. Because that’s truly what we were when Mum regularly ignored us. When she told us time and again that it was our fault that our father cheated. That motherhood had robbed her of the lifestyle she wanted.
Is that how Sloane felt all these years? It hurts to think I ever treated her the way my father treated my mother.
Regardless, Sloane never failed to show up for our son. Never failed to bring light to his childhood.
“We’re going to make this weekend the best ever,” I tell Lo. “God, I’ve been a bloody wanker to my wife, haven’t I?”
Lo shrugs. “You’re trying now.”
I nod. I am. “She’ll like the karaoke, right?”
“What?”
My eyes snap up to the door. I didn’t hear Sloane come in, and I wanted it to be a surprise. Immediately it occurs to me that she might just have run into my mother, and if she did, I can only imagine how badly it went.
Shit.
Chapter 28
Sloane
“Did you say karaoke?”
Brian steps up behind me as I stand in Sully’s office doorway.
Excitement zips through me, and a smile blooms on my face. It’s the first I’ve mustered since Will laid down his ultimatum three days ago. I’ve internalized the emotions that have plagued me since that night because I worry that if Sully knows, it’ll set us back, and we’ve made so much progress.
The moment he found out I went to work for Higgins, Smith, and Dodge, he told me that Will had only hired me to get in my pants. It crushed me that he believed I wasn’t worth more than that. But with time, I realized that, though his words were harsh, he was concerned about me and for me. And now I know he was right.
And worse, Will is right too. I am exactly what he said I am: a forty-year-old mother who has no business as an associate. I’m not good at my job. Hell, I’m not sure I’m even a good mom. I’m definitely not a good wife. For years, I’ve blamed Sully for the way our marriage crumbled around us, when I was equally at fault. And now, I’m keeping secrets from him. I’ve asked forso much from him, and his only request in return is that I talk to him. And I can’t even do that. I’m lying by omission.
But how can I not? I don’t have the first clue what to say. I need a game plan before I get Sully’s feelings involved. I want to be with my husband. I want to try. The end. There’s nothing else to consider. However, I don’t know what to do about my career. Do I just give up? Lose my identity again? I’m five months pregnant. I can’t just start at a new firm. If I leave Higgins, Smith, and Dodge now, it’ll be at least another year before I can even think about working again.
The thought alone is debilitating.
For so long, I wanted to try for another child. I wanted to expand our family, but when it didn’t happen, I came to terms with it. And when T.J. started school, I adjusted my point of view and chose to embrace the chance to focus on myself. Now all of that has been thrown into question again.
I hate it. Is it really too much to ask to have a good relationship with my husband, to have happy, healthy kids, and a career? Why does achieving one mean losing the other?
And then there’s the financial aspect. Not working means I’m solely reliant on Sully again. The thought guts me. It’s exactly how I felt at the end of our marriage, especially when he offered a hefty amount of spousal support.
It was like a sucker punch, the inference that he was certain I needed him. Like he believed that even after our marriage was over, I could only keep my head above water because of him.
“Yes,” Lo screeches, dragging me out of my head. “Do you follow the Grasshopper on Instagram? They announced that tomorrow is karaoke night.”
“You didn’t see Mum outside?” Cal asks at the same time Lo speaks.
“I really wish you didn’t have to miss karaoke, Brian,” Lo says. “I’ve heard your skills are unmatched.”
I can’t focus on her teasing or Brian’s reaction, though, because I’m having a completely different conversation in myhead again.
Sully’s mother is in town? Shit. When did she get here? And where is she right this moment? And what does she think of Sully and me and the baby? Does she even know? Is he going to tell her?
My husband calls my name, and my heart stutters to a stop. I’m sure the war playing out in my head is written all over my face.
“Your mother is here?” I repeat. I don’t want to dislike his mother, but she’s worse than my own. At least I know my mother has always cared. Maybe she cares because she wants to mold me into her protégé—or at least she used to wish she could, now I’m sure she’d settle for just an upstanding attorney who shows up to court on time—but Sully’s mother ignored both Cal and Sully when they were children, and she’s no better with T.J.
Honestly, I’m shocked she made the trip and not looking forward to seeing her again at all. She was one part of the divorce I didn’t mind.
