Page 70 of When You Blush
“Well, for a minute, that was the plan. But?—”
He frames my face and kisses me hard as if he’s claiming me and reminding me that I’mhis.And it feels so damn good that I lean into him and hold on.
“I don’t have to tell this story,” I whisper when he pulls away and still looks upset.
“I’m okay.” He takes a breath and kisses my forehead. “I didn’t realize you’d been engaged, and, well. Turns out I’m a jealous fucker. That’s new. Keep going.”
We continue on the trail, and I try to gather my thoughts.
“After he proposed, things went sideways pretty fast. He’d lose his temper and snap at me for things that were just stupid. He thought it was funny to make fun of me in front of his friends or family, then cover it up and kiss me, or hug me, so it looked like I was in on the joke.”
“Make fun of you how?”
“Little things, like point out that I had something in my teeth, and then laugh, or that I had a spot on my shirt. Little humiliations.”
“Death by a thousand cuts,” he murmurs, and I nod because that’s exactly what it was.
“Very much, yes. When we looked at buying a house, he insisted that it be only inhisname, and that I was nowhere on the mortgage. In the end, that really worked out well for me because I could leave without any ties to him.”
Blake’s grinding his teeth now, but I keep going.
“About six months into the engagement, after we’d moved into the house, I found out he’d been fucking his secretary.” I snort at that, then laugh out loud. “What a cliché. Then because she was mad that he’d dumped her, she texted me receipts of a bunch ofotherwomen he’d slept with and totally ratted him out. I wish I could say that I was surprised. Before he proposed, I would have been devastated and shocked, but after? Not really. Hewas evasive about where he was in the evenings, and he became, well, a dick.Notthe man I dated the year prior. And I knew, Blake. I justknewthat it wasn’t going to work for the long haul, but I didn’t know how to put the pieces together to leave. So I used my job as an excuse to sleep in a different bedroom because of working nights and said I didn’t want to disturb him.”
“But you didn’t want to be there.”
“Hell no. He was never going to touch me again. I didn’t know where the hell he’d been.”
“Good girl.” He squeezes my hand in encouragement.
“I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to tell my family because they’d already done so much for me, and to admit that I’d gotten myself into that mess and ask for help just wasn’t an option for me. Ididtell Ava that he’d cheated, but not about the mental abuse.”
“Expand on that part,” Blake says as we climb to the top of a hill. We pause to take in the view, and I keep talking.
“It grew into him being a jerkall the time.He would nitpick everything. What I wore, what I said. If I was home during the day, he’d come home on his lunch break to make sure I was where I said I was. Not because I was a liar?—”
“Becausehewas,” Blake guesses, and I nod.
“There were times when he’d lock me in a room for eight hours or more and lecture me. Yell at me. Remind me that I’m worthless, that I’m not fun, I’m horrible at my job, I’m a shitty friend. I’m despicable in bed.”
“Fucking hell, I’m going to kill him.”
I shake my head. “He did that often. Usually if I was happy about something and he needed to remind me that I suck.”
“So why—” He stops talking and when he doesn’t go on, I do it for him.
“Why did I stay so long?” I nod and let out a breath. “Well, that’s a good question. I knew I wouldnotmarry him. That wasn’t going to happen. But I also had to plan how to leave. I didn’t have family nearby. I had a couple of work friends, but no one that I was close to, and I don’t trust easily, Blake. I don’t make friends quickly. I could have called Greg and the others, and they would have come right out to get me, no questions asked. But I also had a job, and—” I shrug and sigh with frustration. “I feltstuck.I felt like I made that choice, and it was my job to figure it the fuck out.”
“Okay.” Blake turns and pulls me into his arms, hugs me close and lowers his lips to my ear. “Okay, baby. I’m sorry. I just hate that you were ever made to feel anything but perfect because youare.But you’re safe now.”
“Yeah.” I blink quickly, not wanting to cry. “I am.”
“So what happened?”
“A miracle in the form of a bachelor party.”
Blake’s eyebrows wing up as we keep going on the path.
“Oh, there’s going to be atonof huckleberries up here in a couple of months.”
