Page 144 of Crazy In Love
As the door pushed open, she looked up from her desk, her dark hair falling all around her shoulders, her blue eyes sparking when they locked with mine.
She didn’t speak. She didn’t get up. She just watched me as I shut the door behind me and took the seat across from her.
“Do you have a minute?” I asked. “Or actually, I’d prefer a lifetime if you can spare it?”
“A lifetime, huh? That sounds serious.”
There was no anger there anymore, which seemed hopeful. But she still hadn’t gotten up or hugged me, so I wouldn’t put the cart before the horse just yet.
“Yep. That’s the endgame, but I suppose right now I owe you some answers,” I said, leaning forward, ready to tell her everything.
“I’m listening.”
“I fucked up, and though I expected it to happen, what I did is unacceptable. All of it.”
“Agreed,” she said with a sigh.
“I’ve been seeing a therapist. One I’ve seen before, many years ago, but was too stubborn to go back to when I needed it most,” I said, clasping my hands together. “The mind is apowerful thing, Emilia, and mine is no stranger to going to dark places. And from the moment you told me that you loved me, I knew I felt it, too, but I was too damn scared to say it. I had an irrational fear of losing you. Of loving you and losing you. Because it’s happened in my past. And then there was this fear that even if I didn’t lose you, I’d hurt you. Because… and this is a lot. Are you ready for this?”
She nodded. “I am. Let’s hear it.”
“Apparently, I’ve blamed myself for my biological mother’s death, which in turn made me blame myself for my mother’s grief about losing her sister.” I blew out a breath. “Honestly, it’s not as if I didn’t know this—I mean, I’ve addressed it before, but I’m not cured. It’s not something I can just turn on and off. But I am more aware of my fears, and I want to share them with you.”
She nodded as the first tear rolled down her cheek. “I want you to share them with me, not send me away.”
“I know. And I’m sorry it took me so long to face it all.” I moved to my feet and walked around the desk, leaning over her and pressing one hand on each side of her chair. “I know how lucky I am to be loved by you. And I want you to feel just as lucky to be loved by me. Because what we have, angel, it doesn’t come around often. It’s not something I ever expected to find. But I love you. I’mcrazy in lovewith you, Emilia Taylor. Crazy enough to share my fears with you. Crazy enough to want all your tomorrows. Crazy enough to want forever with you.”
She sniffed several times, and her bottom lip wobbled. “You had me at ‘crazy in love,’ because that’s all I needed to hear. That’s all I want. Just you.”
“Well, I came empty-handed, because I know my gifts tend to piss you off.” I chuckled. “And I’m all yours for as long as you can tolerate me.” I scooped her out of her chair and sat down as I settled her on my lap.
She placed a hand on each side of my face.
“I have a high pain tolerance.” She chuckled. “I’m in for the long haul.”
“You think so?”
“I mean, assuming you don’t go find me a home and a job on the other side of the country again, I think I’m all in.”
Yeah, we definitely needed to discuss that, but not now.
“I’m all in, too, angel. It just took me some time to admit how fucked up I am.” I tangled my fingers in her silky hair.
“I would wait forever for you, Bridger Chadwick,” she whispered.
And I tugged her head closer and kissed her.
Because Emilia Taylor was my reason.
My reason to be a better man.
My reason to face my fears.
My reason to want more.
I’d found my reason, and I was never letting go.
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