Page 57 of Kingdom of Ashes & Bone
“No! Of course not! When someone in the Seat got sick, they were sent to the infirmary!” Ess shouted back.
“Stop it,” I hissed at them through my teeth, not wanting to disturb my mother.
Her eyes flickered open, and we all went silent. Too late.
“Mari?”
Her voice was weak, and barely above a whisper. I flew to her side, entwining her bony, thin fingers with mine. She was ice cold.
“I’m here. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
A smile twisted her face, the expression so foreign to me it took a moment for me to recognize it for what it was.
“You were busy. Saving the world,” she whispered back, drawing up all her strength to pat my hand.
Guilt pushed through me. She didn’t know about Ell. She didn’t know about Ess being the queen’s bed warmer. And she likely didn’t know the entire mud district lay in ashes, and a good chunk of the kingdom along with it.
“There are definitely a few changes,” I managed.
Ess snorted behind me, and I heard a sound that might have been one of my boys choking back a laugh. He’d snuck up on me.
My mother put her hand out, reaching for Ess. “My boy.”
He reluctantly shuffled over, deeply uncomfortable. She grabbed his hand and put it with mine, so all three of us held hands.
“My family. Finally together again.” Another dopey smile stretched her face, but of course he started to open his stupid mouth.
Smiling widely, I stomped on his foot under the bed as hard as I could.
Ess made a garbled sound of pain but shut his mouth. He wouldn’t say anything to ruin this moment, just like I wouldn’t say anything to ruin this moment. Together, we could be united in at least this. One moment where we let my mother have her perfect little family, finally knitted whole.
She didn’t need to know about Ell.
“Where is the yellow flower? She’s so nice. Everyone has been so nice.”
I smiled at that. “Leilani? She is around. It’s all right, Mom. I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it here. I … might need to leave soon.”
Her gaze had been far away this entire time, but for just a moment, it sharpened on me. “Truly?”
I almost took a half-step backwards, but managed to stand my ground. I couldn’t remember the last time my mother had looked at me with such recognition and clarity. Ess turned to stare at me, shock in his features.
“Yes,” I whispered back. “I met someone. Two someones, really. They can’t stay here, so I think I’ll go with them.”
Her eyes widened with wonder. “Away from here?” she asked, her voice hushed to match my tone.
I nodded because speaking any more would just lead to more tears. I didn’t want Mom to see them. Not now.
She cracked first, one large tear escaping from her left eye. “Oh. That’s wonderful. It’s always been my dream to leave, and here you are, off to see the world. You have a choice. Take it. I’m not sorry.”
She yawned, her grip on my hand loosening and her eyes fixating on something far beyond me.
“Sorry for what?” I asked, bewildered. I hadn’t heard her talk this sanely in years.
“You were so sick that year you were meant to be reaped. I knew they’d take everyone. Ell told me ahead of time before they came. So I made you sicker. And it worked. They let you stay, and we got more years. You only left when you were meant to.”
I stared, all the pieces clicking together. “When I was sixteen and almost died … you did that on purpose?” My voice went unnaturally high.
“Love you,” she murmured and drifted back off to sleep.
