“You liked it?”
“Loved it. Very dramatic, but you managed to make it funny too. Anna’s ranting monologue was epically hilarious.”
“Thanks.” Holly stares at me, waiting with arched brows until I blow out a long exhale. She’s not going to let this go. “You know that guy I was telling you about?”
“Ah, the mystery man that you actually told me very little about? Sir Forearms?”
“That would be the one. We spent some time together on Monday, and then we went back to my cottage.”
Holly lifts and lowers her shoulders one at a time in an anticipatory kind of dance. “Ooh, give me all the juicy details.”
“Jesus, the man can kiss,” I whine. “And he’s so freaking gorgeous it almost hurts my eyeballs to look at him.”
“And?” she asks with a hint of impatience.
“And he’s an asshole. He insulted mylifestyle.”
My sister-in-law goes into indignant mode, her hazel eyes flashing. “What the hell does that mean? You’re a librarian, for fuck’s sake.”
“Right? He was telling me he didn’t want anything serious, and I’m totally fine with that,” I say, tapping the center of my chest with my fingertips. “I’m not in the market for a relationship, and I let him know we were on the same page. Then he said he just wanted to make sure because outside of a vacation fling, he couldn’t be with anyone in mylifestyle.”
Holly shakes her head. “What’s with all the lifestyle bullshit?”
“The only other thing he really knows about me is the writing gig, so I asked him if it was the spicy sex stuff that he didn’t like.” I lean forward and narrow my eyes. It still angered me to think about. “He said yes.”
“Oh. My. God. What a prickface,” Holly rants. “He probably couldn’t handle a real woman anyway.”
I giggle. “That’s what I told him right before I slammed the door in his face.”
“Good for you, girl. You don’t need that kind of negativity.” My friend cranes her neck forward, her eyes narrowing into squinty slits on the screen. “Uh, Jules. What is that?”
“What?” I swipe at my mouth and chin. “Do I have something on my face?”
“No,that. On the wall behind you.” She jabs her finger vehemently.
I look up to see the metal decoration mounted above the headboard. “Oh that’s a pineapple. The place I’m staying at is called Pineapple Island Resort and Spa, so there are pineapples everywhere. I have no idea why they’re all upside down though.”
Looking back at my phone, I see Holly sitting there with her mouth agape for a long moment. I’m about to ask her what’s wrong when she throws back her head and lets out a laugh that’s so loud, I’m surprised it doesn’t wake up my nephew.
“What’s so funny?” I ask, but she continues her hyena routine for another full minute. Tears stream down her face, which has turned an alarming mahogany color. “Holly!”
“Ju-li-ette,” she gasps, my name coming out in three distinct syllables as she wipes at her face with her palms. “You are truly my most favorite person in the entire world.”
“What about your husband and child?” I ask flatly, still not sure what the hell’s going on with her.
She waves a hand absently. “Okay, fine. It’s a rotating list, and since I don’t have to change your diaper or share a bathroom with you after you’ve had a burrito-eating contest with the guys, you’re currently in the lead.”
“Gee, thanks,” I deadpan. “Why do you find the pineapples so entertaining?”
“Jules, I hate to tell you this, but…” She takes a dramatic pause before announcing, “You, my dear, are at a swingers’ resort.”
My head jerks back in shock. “No I’m not.”
Holly rolls her eyes. “Google what upside down pineapplesmean.”
Skeptical, I pull my laptop from the charger and rest it on my thighs. Thirty seconds later, I let out a gasp.
“Oh my god. Oh my… Holly! Oh my god! I’m at a swingers’ resort!” The words come out at warp speed.
