Reno
A beach ball seems to swell in my throat as I open the box and find three rows of shower steamers wrapped in blue foil paper. I wedge my fingers into the box and pull one out, a sob wrenching from my chest when I see the label reads,Ocean Cottage,my favorite scent from the resort.
Cradling it in both hands like it’s a delicate baby bird, I abandon my unpacking efforts and walk to my bathroom. Tears obscure my vision as I turn on the shower, unwrap the disc, and carefully place it on the floor of the shower. A minute later, I’m naked and standing beneath the hot spray as the familiar scent rises up around me.
And that’s when I let myself go. It’s the very definition of an ugly cry, complete with disgraceful noises and snot bubbles.
Reno’s dream-induced wordscome back to me.
Leia.
I pucking love you.
It’s not his fault he still has feelings for his ex, ones that must have resurfaced after he saw her for the first time in a while. So I don’t blame Reno, and I’m not mad at him. At all.
I am heartbroken though. I had it built up in my head that we could make things work. We could overcome distance and limited time together. But the one thing we can’t overcome is if one of us is still in love with someone else.
I tilt my face up toward the shower head to wash away my tears, but they’re immediately replaced by more.
Finally, I drop to my knees and watch as the shower steamer melts away and the residue washes down the drain. I’m sure there’s some kind of metaphor I can draw about that, but I just don’t have the fucking energy right now.
All I know is a bone-deep sadness that I’m not sure will ever go away.
Chapter 28
Still thinking of her
FourdaysafterIreturn from Pineapple Island, I step into the aisle of yet another plane with a Dallas Brewers duffle bag in my hand. I heft it and smile at the additional weight. With Juliette on my mind, I’d packed almost my entire underwear drawer for my three day trip to Dallas.
What if I pee my pants?
Her funny words and wide, sincere eyes flash through my brain as the petite flight attendant rushes to me.
“Mr. Swain, I hope I made your flight enjoyable,” she breathes, pressing a slip of paper into my hand. It’s no doubt her phone number because she’s been flirting shamelessly with me since I stepped onto the plane.
“It was fine,” I say in the most non-encouraging way possible as I turn my shoulders to edge past her and out the door. I cram the note into my shorts pocket to throw away later.
When I reach the baggage claim area, I spot my own name… on a Raptors jersey worn by a little kid who looks to be about five or six. Stepping up behind him and the man I assume is his father, I tap him on the shoulder.
“Hey, kid,” I say, and when he looks up, the expression on his little face is priceless.
“Y-you’re…. You’re…”
I squat and hold out my hand. “I’m Reno Swain.” He shakes it respectfully but his eyes are still taking in my face with wonder.
“I knooooow. I got your jersey on.” He spins to show me SWAIN printed across the shoulders. Then he does an excited one-eighty jumpback to the front. “But I want a new one cuz you’re coming to the Brewers. We gotta wait till Dad’s next paycheck though,” he babbles, obviously parroting something he’s heard the adults say.
Glancing up to his father, I see him shake his head and blush slightly. “We just heard the news yesterday, but I, umm, we’ll get him a new jersey soon.”
“You guys live in the area?” I ask.
“We do, though you’re Rocco’s favorite player,” the dad answers. “He’s been beside himself with excitement since the announcement was made that you’re coming to Dallas.”
Because I remember how it felt to want the newest sports jerseys when I was a kid—and not being able to afford them—I make up some shit on the fly.
“Since I’m going to be a Brewer now, the organization has asked me to hand out some jerseys to fans. They want people wearing number ninety-six to generate excitement. Would you do me a favor and wear my jersey around?”
The little boy nods with enthusiasm, and his father gently scolds, “Use your words, Rocco. He can’t hear your head rattle.” That makes me smile because Ma used to say the same thing to me.
