“They are. Anyway, when she called me the day that asshole put his hands on her, I literally had to force myself to remember that my sister needed me more than I needed to teach Shively a lesson. I put her first like she always did for everyone else and stayed with her at the hospital. I guess she told you the prick took off when he found out I was on my way?”
“Yeah, she told me.”
Baylor opens a small tube of antibacterial ointment and begins dabbing it onto my wounds with a square of gauze. “While we were in the emergency room, we heard a commotion out in the hallway. My wife, being the nosy ass she is, peeked out the door to see what was going on.” His eyes leave his task for a moment, looking into mine. “It was Shively. The fucking coward had left Juli’s house and went straight for the airport to get away from the ass kicking he knew was coming to him. Other drivers say he was driving erratically and way too fast.”
My mouth falls open when it hits me. “That was when he had his car accident? The one that put him down for two years?”
He nods slowly. “It was like God had taken care of the punishment for me. I know that’s not how it works, but that’s how I viewed it.” Baylor throws away the gauze and opens a bunch of bandages. “I never went after him, though I thought about it every day. I guess I was indirectly responsible for his accident because he was running from me when it happened, so that gives me a little comfort.”
Baylor begins covering my cuts with bandages as he speaks. “That’s the reason I’m so protective over my sister. It’s the reason I don’t like her dating hockey players.” His jaw hardens. “I had bad vibes from Shively, but Jules was a grown-ass woman, so I kept my mouth shut.” A tear slides down his brown cheek and he angrily swipes it away with his shoulder.
“You blame yourself.” It’s not a question but a statement of understanding.
His nostrils flare as he adds the last bandage to my pinky finger. “It was my fault she got hurt. Yes, she’s an adult and can make her own decisions, but Juliette can be naive. That’s not a bad thing, but she needs a man who sees that and doesn’t take advantage of her sweetness.”
I swallow hard. “I want to be that someone for her. I would never, ever hurt her in any way. I literally couldn’t.” Jerking my chin, I gesture for Baylor to sit beside me. After he disposes of all the packages, he flops down beside me on the bench, both of us facing a line of lockers on the wall.
My chest hurts, but he opened up to me, and I know I need to do the same. “My father was an asshole. He was like Shively. When I was ten, I caught him hurting Ma, so I hit him upside the head with a metal pot.”
Baylor chortles. “Ballsy kid.”
Then I take him through the rest of the story, us leaving, Ma struggling, and me calling a grandfather I’d never met for help.
“Gramps recognized that I had a lot of pent-up anger from the things I’d seen, so he introduced me to hockey. Most of the kids had been playing since they were toddlers, so I was kinda behind initially,but I caught on quickly. Worked my ass off. By the time I was thirteen, I was stronger and more skilled than anyone else on the team.”
“You’re not too terrible now either,” Baylor teases and I laugh before dropping my head to my hands, my elbows digging into the pads covering my thighs.
“What if I’m a shitty dad?” My breaths heave in and out of my lungs as I spill my most vulnerable fear. “I know I’d never hurt my wife or child, but what if I suck at being a father? Mine was never around for me, so how the fuck do I know what to do, Baylor?”
He mirrors my position, elbows on legs. “You just told me your grandfather took you in, no questions asked. He recognized that you needed an outlet and got you involved in the game that would become your career. He was there for you from the time you were ten, and he’s still proud of you today.” He pats me hard on the shoulder. “So think about it, Swain. Do you really think you don’t know what a real father looks like? Because I think you do.”
His words are like a shot to my heart, and I drop my head down and let go. He’s right. He’s so fucking right. I watch the droplets of tears fall, forming little amoeba-like splatters on the dark-blue floor for a long time, and Baylor’s hand is a force of strength against my shoulder. Finally, I slide my hands down the back of my neck and lift my head. I feel refreshed somehow.
“I can do this,” I say to no one in particular before repeating it. “I can do this.”
“I know you can,” Baylor says quietly. “Just a warning though. The feelings of parental inadequacy never go away. For everyone, I’m sure, but especially for pro athletes. We have a job that demands a lot of time, and sometimes you’re going to have to miss shit. You’re going to feel bad if you get home late, and you don’t get to say goodnight to your kid because they’re already in bed. You’ll have to schedule birthday parties around practices and games. It takes effort but it’s worth it.”
“We’re having twins,” I blurt out.
Baylor closes his eyes and tilts his face to the ceiling, blowing out a long breath. “Wow, okay.”
“Yeah, it’s going to be a lot, but we’re both excited.”
He nods and nudges my knee with his. “You can do it. The best advice I can give is to make sure your wife always feels supported, no matter what. During the pregnancy and when the babies get here.”
“I will. I’ve been trying, but I think I’m going about it wrong.”
“What do you mean?” Baylor asks suspiciously.
My lips twist wryly to the side. “I’ve been trying to be as prepared as possible before the twins get here. I know with my schedule a lot of it’s going to fall on Juliette, so I just want to make everything as easy as possible for her. I want her to have everything she needs and not have to worry about buying anything. I’m afraid she’ll refuse to ask me if she needs something, so I’ve been… shopping.”And that’s an understatement.
I can hear the amusement in Baylor’s voice. “How much did you spend?”
“Not including the two new vehicles I bought, somewhere around twenty-two thousand dollars.”
My future brother-in-law collapses against the bench in laughter. “Goddamn, man. You’re worse than I was when Holly was pregnant with Aiden.”
I groan. “Tell me something stupid you bought so I don’t feel like such an idiot.”
