Page 117 of A Country Practice Christmas
‘And why your specialty was working with domestic violence cases.’ It all made sense. Previously, Lenore had only ever said she wanted to help women be the best versions of themselves.
‘We all have crosses to bear. And those crosses are often a heavy load. Too heavy.’ She waved her fork in the air. ‘People like us are experts at compartmentalising. We can lock those damned things in a cupboard and move on like they never happened, but even if we swallow the key and walk away, at some point the weight of that burden is going to smash that door right off its hinges.’ Lenore moved a morsel of cake around on her plate, a cat toying with a mouse. Her eyes were downcast but the angle of her head indicated she was waiting for a reaction.
‘Not necessarily.’ Giving as concise an answer as possible was the only way to get through the conversation. Eat the cake. Finish the coffee. Go shopping. Eventhatwould be better than this.
‘Oh, Hannah, come on. I’ve seen enough denied trauma in my time to recognise it when it’s right in front of my face. That’s possibly what made me good at my job—the capacity to empathise. You have it too. You’ve done a stellar job keeping your heartache under wraps, but sooner or later a case comes along that forces you to deal with your own residual grief. Maybe that case for you is young Owen.’
‘We talked about this. I have it under control.’ The sweetness of the icing suddenly turned rancid on her tongue. She toyed with the corner of the napkin. ‘Okay, there was a hiccup to begin with but I’ve learned from that. You said yourself the session went well this week, and we’ve worked out a strategy for next time. Honestly, Lenore, it’s fine.’
‘I agree. It is fine. You’ll complete all the sessions with him and I’m sure he’ll be much better for them, and for your expertise. What I’m saying isyouwill not be. You’ll go on burying yourself in your work, disappearing into the woods like a hibernating bear rather than facing the truth. You need to drag that cross from the cupboard and smash it to smithereens. Get to it before it crushes you. Before you wake up one day and realise you’re a lonely old woman with nothing to show for her life but a backlist of grateful patients.’
‘Isn’t that something to be proud of?’
‘Yes. But not at the expense of your own happiness.’
‘I’m perfectly happy.’ She crossed her arms. Uncrossed them again and let them fall into her lap, fingers twitching.
‘When is the last time you went on a date?’
‘A date?’
‘Yes, you know, those hours you spend with a person you’re attracted to. Who is attracted to you.’
‘I dated a few times this year.’
‘A few times?’
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
Oh God, did they really have to go there? Presumably so. ‘Town vet. Who happened to be madly in love with someone else but couldn’t admit it to himself. I played cupid and took myself out of the equation. It wouldn’t have worked anyway; there wasn’t really any chemistry. Not like you and Nancy.’ A brilliant tactic, move the discussion in a new direction.
A soft light shone in Lenore’s eyes at the mention of her wife. ‘I waited far too long to find that spark. It doesn’t come along often and when it does, you need to fan the flame and let it burn.’
‘Sounds painful.’ Another genius move: deflect with humour.
‘It can be. But having a life partner is so much better than being lonely.’
‘I’m not lonely.’ And partners weren’t always for life.
Pursed lips and raised eyebrows; Nancy could not be fooled.
‘Okay, so there are times when I might be a little, but …’ There wasn’t really any way to finish the sentence without covering the same ground they’d already trodden. And there was no point getting antsy. Lenore was only trying to help. ‘I appreciate your concern. Really I do, but I’m doing okay.’
‘My point exactly. You’re doing okay. You’re treading water. That’s not enough. Take it from someone who wasted too much time when it came to matters of the heart. Maybe you should try online dating.’
‘Ah, I don’t think so. Do you know how many crazy people are out there?’
‘I’ve got a pretty good idea.’ Her snort was contagious and they broke into peals of laughter, a great tension diffuser. ‘Although I’m not sure that’s suitable phrasing coming from a psychologist.’
‘As a matter of fact …’ She’d barely given Lenore anything. Maybe offering her a tidbit of something personal would steer her away from heavier matters. ‘I was asked out on a date only yesterday.’
‘It wasn’t that gorgeous creature I saw close your gate and climb into his ute, by any chance? Tall, bearded and looking like he’d just lost his best friend?’
‘You saw him?’
‘Nancy and I were pulling into the drive as he left. I meant to ask you about him but then Nance started rabbiting on about the whales we saw and I became distracted.’ She leaned forward, hands clasped on the table, an earnest look on her face. ‘Tell me more.’
