‘Oh.’
After reaching Maggie’s house, we face each other on the nature strip. ‘We’re not at school now.’
Bottle brush trees, foliage sagging with the weight of the rain, grow either side of us. A streetlight illuminates a patch of grass and rain tumbles into it. Cameron’s mouth is wet too.
‘What do you want me to call you?’ I ask.
‘Take a guess.’
When we kissed, he called me sweetheart. Is that what he wants? What do I want? There are two steps between us and I take them. ‘Alex means nothing to me.’
‘When we talked about relationships, you said you’d never been serious with anyone. It’s not a problem that you were, but I wish you’d been upfront about it.’
‘It was on and off.’
‘Two years of on and off is serious.’
‘It didn’t feel like that.’
He shakes his head, takes a step back. ‘You don’t have to clarify. I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘I wanted you to know the truth.’
‘You deserve to be happy, whoever it’s with.’
‘I’ve never wanted Alex. I don’t want him now.’
‘He doesn’t know anything about you.’ He frowns. ‘Nothing about your childhood.’
A four-wheel drive with lights on high beam turns into the road. The car slows, but a wave of water shoots from the wheels. Cameron takes the brunt of it, but now we’re even wetter than we were. Shouldn’t we laugh? The thought that we can’t puts a lump in my throat.
‘University, work, parties.’ My voice is scratchy. ‘Alex knows the good. You mostly know the bad.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The way my parents were. How unhappy I was. The bullying.’ ‘You think that’s all I saw?’ He comes so close that, even in the half-light, I see the green in his eyes. ‘I knew I’d never meet anyone as smart as you. Is that bad?’
I swallow. ‘No.’
‘You pressed your lips together to stop yourself correcting our teachers when they were wrong. Is that bad?’
‘Did I?’
‘You walked through the school gates, day after day, month after month, as if each day would be different.’
‘I wanted to learn.’
‘You wanted more, Amelie, but you never got it.’
‘I liked the animals in Summerfield.’
‘No one was game to ride your crazy grey horse, but you climbed on his back. I saw that too.’
‘I loved him.’
His eyes are even brighter than they were. ‘Your optimism. Your capacity to forgive. The way you smile at children and strangers.’ He searches my face. ‘You’re a fucking Christmas miracle.’
I don’t know whether it’s tears or rain that I swipe away. ‘I didn’t want you to see me as vulnerable. I hated how you were there whenever bad things happened.’