Page 67 of A Home Among the Snow Gums
In among all that wondering, she’d remembered the way Tom’s hands had felt, hot as brands on her shoulders. The way his stormy-lake eyes made her stomach do flip-flops. Her baby dream had grown all tangled and caught up with her frustrations with herself and her envy of the happiness of the people around her.
‘I think,’ she said in a low voice, ‘I might have been a little rash with my New Year’s resolution “have a baby” plan.’
Kylie reached over and held her hand.
‘I think maybe I grabbed ahold of a baby plan as a distraction from fixing myself, when really—as much as I really,reallywant a baby—I should have been doing the fixing.’
‘You don’t need fixing, Han. You’re wonderful. You’re fun, and kind, and you’re an excellent vet, and your family loves you to bits. I love you to bits. You’re just carrying a lot of hurt around with you that you maybe need to learn to let go of.’
Kylie was right. But she was also wrong. Letting go sounded like an easy thing to do, like flicking a gumleaf out the window or brushing an ant off your arm. Fixing the part of her that was broken and scared of relationships and trust and vulnerability?
Hard. Very hard.
Especially when the person you’d decided all that hard work and soul-searching would be worth it for was totally cool about standing you up for dinner.
‘How much of all this have you told Tom?’
‘Tom? Nothing but the will-you-donate-your-sperm bit. He’s been very cagey about why he’s suddenly turned up in Hanrahan and will he/won’t he stay. He’s told me he’s not interested in a family or in settling down.’
‘You think that’s true? He must have left the Navy for some reason.’
‘His dad’s dying. That’s reason enough.’
‘Of course.’
‘But thatkiss.I just can’t put it out of my mind that it kinda knocked his socks off, too.’
‘Why wouldn’t he just say so if that were true?’
Hannah wrestled the glass of wine out of Kylie’s hands and took a sip. ‘Because he thinks I’m a nutcase? Because he thinks if he’s nice to me I’ll start chasing him down Salt Creek Flats Road with a turkey baster? Anyway, it doesn’t matter. The kiss must have meant nothing to him. It’s not as though he turned up for dinner.’
‘I tried to warn you about this. Dinner for two sounds serious. It’s dating language. It has subtext.’
‘What warning? You said “don’t rush things”. That was too vague, Kylie. I needed specifics, like “start with a casual coffee and see how it goes”.’
Kylie took the glass of wine back. ‘I hadn’t fully grasped the subtleties of the situation.’
Hannah sighed. ‘I haven’t fully grasped anything for years.’
Her friend gave a snort like a piglet then burst out laughing.
‘Wait! I wasn’t—’ It was too late. Hannah had seen the funny side herself now and started to giggle. ‘Oh, Kylie,’ she said.
‘I know, honey. Heartbreak sucks.’
She frowned at her friend. ‘Is that what this is?’
Kylie shrugged. ‘You’re not a casual person, Hannah. If you were, you wouldn’t have been so gutted by everything that’s happened to you. You feel. Deeply. Humiliation, regret, affection for your brother and your animal patients and little old bestie me, loyalty for Hanrahan … and now love.’
‘Huh. Who knew there was a whole emotional thesaurus out there just waiting to trip me up.’
Kylie picked up Hannah’s abandoned spoon and loaded it with mashed potato. ‘Maybe it’s good Tom didn’t turn up. You might need to spend some time understanding what it is you’re feeling now.’
Just as Hannah was about to grab another spoon for herself and agree with Kylie that of course, yes, she needed time, and yes, thank heavens Tom hadn’t turned up, a knock sounded on the door. A heavy knock.
Josh didn’t thud like that. For one, he didn’t bother knocking, he just swanned on in. Two, he’d have Jane Doe at his heels and her tail would be bashing on the wood of the landing like a wrecking ball.
Besides, this time of night, Josh and Vera would be snuggled up on their couch making gooey eyes at each other and—if her deep suspicions were correct—reading baby name books.
