I made a face at him behind the servants’ backs as they led us back through the castle. As we walked, I tried to remember the way, but after a while, one torch-lit hall started to look like every other torch-lit hall.
I smelled the food as we approached the dining room. My primary concern about coming to a fantasy world was not getting killed, it was thelogistics. Water. Bed quality. Where to pee. What would happen if I got my period? But most importantly,how would the food be?
The decadent smells swirling around my nostrils set my worries at ease. We stepped through a wide set of double doors into the dining room. The walls were painted dark. Heavy frames with portraits of dead ancestors I doubted anyone remembered hung on the walls. The long mahogany table gleamed, rich and glossy. Candelabras and chandeliers sparkled in the corners and overhead.
The table was occupied, surrounded by straight-backed chairs filled with floofy people in floofier dresses. At the head sat the king, and on his right sat the old guy from before (I needed to figure out his job description but was afraid to ask since Bryce seemed to understand the dynamic, and I couldn’t let him know I’d fallen behind).
“Please, sit,” the king said like our butts needed his permission or something.
I hesitated, cringing at the two empty seats placed side by side. When my stomach growled, I sat, positioning myself on the edge of the chair as far from Bryce as possible. I didn’t love the idea of bumping elbows with my opponent.
Servants arrived, dishing out course after course of red meat piled on top of more red meat. The king started making a bunch of introductions I quickly lost track of. A few representatives from neighboring kingdoms were visiting to witness the shaming of Winston, which made sense because nothing brought people together like shaming others. Apparently, Winston was being punished for walking around killing chickens all across the land for no reason.
After that, the king introduced a viscount, a few dukes, some favorite serfs, and a visiting princess who was wise… within her years—an appropriate amount of wise.
I waited impatiently for the old guy’s introduction because he seemed like he might be relevant later. Sort of a mentor type. Like maybe he’d drop a few obscure but vital pieces of knowledge before he tragically died, and I’d reflect back and remember what he’d said to save the day.
Before the king could introduce him, the old man stood shakily. “And I,” he said, voice cracking like a pubescent teenaged boy’s, “am Amygronkphopoulozeetrop.”
Bryce looked up, his spoon scraping loudly against his bowl. “Amyflaflalal?”
“?‘Gronkphopoulozeetrop,” insisted Old Guy.
“Amyphosphorustop,” I said confidently, meeting Bryce’s sidelong look of confusion.
Old Guy sighed. “Amygronkphopoulozeetrop!”
“How do you spell it?” I asked.
“A-M-Y-G-R-O-N-K—”
“K?” I asked skeptically. “Are you sure?” I wondered if his parents couldn’t decide which letters they liked, so they went with all of them. And in an order that made the least amount of sense.
“TheKis silent,” Old Guy said. “Amygronkphopoulozeetrop. My dearest friends call me Amy for short.Amyis a strong name, don’t you think?”
“Really rolls off the tongue,” I said.
“Very noble,” Bryce agreed.
Amywhoeverthefuck looked flattered. “Unique, too, don’t you think?”
“I knew a Subaru-driving sorority girl named Amy in college,” I said.
Amy lit up. “Subaru? Is that some sort of monstrous beast that only the most powerful warrior can tame?”
“Yep!” I smiled.
Bryce didn’t look up but couldn’t hide the twitch of his mouth.
“What issorority?” Amy asked.
Bryce sat back. “Only the most elite magic in existence.”
My smile widened in surprise, and Bryce shot me a weary look that said,I can’t believe I’m playing along with your ridiculous game.
“I’m flattered you would compare me to such a sorceress.” Amy wore a conceited look that said he absolutely could believe it, and perhaps even expected to be compared to amazing people every day of his life. “Amy, master of sororities, he who causes Subarus to bow under his might.”
“This is the best day of my life,” I said.
