I squinted. “Did you just refer to our wizard mentor asPeepaw? Never mind—not important. Greg definitely poisoned Amy. He probably planned to do it from the moment he stole your peanut butter and was just waiting for an opportunity to make it look like an accident.” My mind raced as pieces started clicking together. “Wait a second. Greg stoleallof your groceries except for the pizza rolls, which he gave us to eat at the burial ground with instructions to make sure I cooked them well, probablyhopingI’d drop them in the fire.”
Courtney’s eyes widened. “And then, when you didn’t drop them, the dragon made sure you did—the dragonGregtold me about. He said it was part of the prophecy that the Chosen One can tame dragons. I bet that was never in the prophecy at all, and he made it up so we’d free it.”
I gasped. “He probably only gave us back our condoms to keep us distracted so we wouldn’t piece it all together.”
Suddenly, a muffled yell sounded from somewhere deeper in the room. Courtney and I exchanged a glance, then dashed toward the sound. Greg yelled at us to wait, but we ignored him. We found another door behind a shelf, and Courtney threw it open.
Two people occupied the tiny space, which might have been a closet at one point but now resembled a prison cell. There was a tall woman wearing armor, leaning threateningly over a middle-aged man who was tied up in a chair.
“Is that General Thimblepop?” Courtney exclaimed. “She’s workingforyou? Who’s this other guy? Let me guess. The king’s hand, Marty?”
“Yes, but listen,” Greg began, and I whirled to face him.
“Does this mean General Thimblepop was never actually kidnapped?” I asked.
“Or maybe Greg kidnapped her and somehow turned her into his evil minion,” said Courtney. “And now he’s trying to do the same to Marty.” She glared at Greg. “I bet you even ordered your skeleton to knock us out so we wouldn’t be around to stop you from taking Marty. What about Winston? Did he escape before you could turn him to the dark side?”
As Greg watched our exchange, his entire countenance transformed. Where before he stood hunched, often with twitching whiskers and wringing hands, now he straightened. Crossed his arms. Hardened his face. Behind him, the skeleton mimicked his posture.
“You were the one who summoned us and created the portal,” Courtney said, smiling radiantly. “I’m not the villain!” She lowered an accusatory finger of doom at the mouse. “We unknowingly worked as your minions the entire time. That meansyou’re—”
“The Wicked One,” I said grimly.
“Evil One,” Courtney corrected under her breath.
“The Evil One,” I said grimly.
Greg let out a long-suffering sigh. “No, you bozos. You have it completely backward.”
“Seize him,” I yelled but didn’t move. There was, after all, a skeleton standing in our path.
Courtney and I exchanged a look.
She sighed. “Fine.”
Courtney charged, diving for the mouse, but he sidestepped. She went crashing into a shelf, glass jars tumbling and shattering around her. She staggered to her feet, green slime coating her body. “He’s getting away!”
Greg darted for a tiny hole in a wall. Fighting the fear clenching my stomach, I ran forward. A bony arm intercepted me, clotheslining me in a way that gave me flashbacks to Red Rover on the middle school playground. I hit the ground flat on my back, the air knocked from my lungs. My vision darkened as I struggled to draw in a breath. The shadowy form of the skeleton appeared over me. Her bony hands reached for my neck.
A blur to my right.
Courtney.
She swung the giant potion book like a baseball bat.WHACK.The skeleton went flying. Courtney bent, grabbed my arms, and hauled me up.
“Wait!” shouted General Thimblepop, but we ignored her.
We ran.
We were always running.
CHAPTER 36INWHICHWETAKEPSYCHEDELICSANDGOONAHERO’SJOURNEY
COURTNEY
We raced through the castle, running to Bryce’s room like scared children. It seemed we spent a lot of time running from skeletons in closets, whether figuratively or literally.
Glancing out the window, I confirmed the undead army still hadn’t attacked. In fact, they were completely motionless, staring sightlessly at the city. The dragon was nowhere to be seen either. Maybe they were waiting for commands from their minuscule overlord.
