Page 70 of On The Edge
Reis rushes to me, holding me tightly by the biceps. His eyes wild with an edge of desperation.
“You have to believe me, Melody. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Why do you care now, Reis? You had seven years,seven fucking years, to figure this out. If I hadn’t been given those ticketsandcrushed against the gate, you would still be out there hating me, thinking I was a vile human being.”
“I have more information now. I… I can see that my thinking was wrong and that I fucked up.”
“Did you even think about me twice after you left? Or was it out of sight, out of mind?” I shift my weight to the side, pulling back from him while I try to hold back from scream-sobbing.
I can feel it building. I know that if we keep going down this road, I’m going to lose it. The hurt’s been there for too long and it’s festered so much inside both of us that I don’t know how we can trust each other again.
“Melody,” Reis says brokenly. His hand reaches out for me, but I dodge it.
The agony in his eyes nearly breaks me. His voice is raw when he whispers my name. There’s a plea in it, a desperate kind of longing that shatters something inside me.
But I stay where I am, arms wrapped around myself, trying to hold together all the pieces he broke.
“I thought about you every single day for the past seven years. I wished you were here with me, with us, every single goddamn day for the past seven years. I’d wake up thinking about you and then be so fucking angry at myself because I thought you used us.”
“Be serious, Reis,” I sigh, rolling my eyes and tears fall.
He grabs my hands, not caring if I pull away. Not letting me move away.
“I am so fucking serious. Melody, I worked my ass off to become successful. All to become worthy of you. You, and you alone, are the reason whyOn The Edgerose to fame so quickly. Because every morning I thought of you. Because every show we played, I sangto you. Because every evening I thought about you, and thought about what else I could do to prove myself to be good enoughfor you. You’re… You’re under my skin, Melody,” he says earnestly while rubbing my hands continuously. He’s pulling at my hands so incessantly, it’s like he’s trying to remind himself that I’m right there in front of him. Like a man who’s seen a ghost and doesn’t want it to disappear.
“You’ve always been under my skin. My every waking thought, in my dreams every night. I was a young, dumb kid, so in love with a girl and I thought there was no chance anymore. Navigating that emotional shit-storm was hard, so fucking hard, and I made a lot of mistakes. I wish I would’ve known the extent of what happened… I heard a few things here or there and I made sure to stop it there. But what you’re saying… Melody, I had no idea. If I had, I would’ve made sure they wouldn’t be able to walk away. But more than that, I would’ve known that you were just trying to protect yourself by saying that. Protecting yourself when we didn’t, even after we promised.” He hangs his head in disappointment pointing inward, shaking it. “It would’ve been so different.”
“You were in love with me?” I ask breathlessly, my ears having perked up at that little tidbit.
“Oh god,” Reis chuckles with a small, embarrassed smile, “I wassofucking in love with you. The treehouse didn’t clue you in? That felt like a declaration to everyone. I… I got a–” A blush warms up his cheeks and my breath catches in my throat.
“A tattoo of it on your back,” I whisper breathlessly.
Reis nods, squeezing my hand gently.
I always dreamt of this, but never thought it would actually happen. Reis was so good at putting space between us. We’d get just a little closer and then he’d spend the next few days avoiding me emotionally. But he neverleft. He never let me go without what I needed from him to feel safe, because of how he was feeling.
Until he did.
“You loved me?” I repeat, like there’s a chance my ears didn’t hear him correctly.
Reis slowly cups my face as he leans in, giving me the chance to pull away if I need to. When his hands rest on my skin, myeyes close of their own will. I can’t control it,I lean into it. His breathing is soft, but catches when I relax into his hold.
“No, Melody,” he whispers, the space between us charged with electricity and need, sparks just waiting to catch fire. “Iloveyou,” he says softly, his breath kissing my lips.
He starts to lean down, and I watch through hooded-lids as he gets closer. He’s a breath away from finally giving me our first kiss and I swipe my tongue over my bottom lip.
“Wait,” I whisper suddenly, putting my hand on his chest. Reis stops moving right away, the string of rejection and disappointment clouding his eyes and making him move back quickly.
“Sorry, sorry.” He shakes his head, pulling his hands from my skin, and stepping back. My hand darts out to grab his shirt so he can’t move away from me anymore.
“Wait,” I repeat, softer now. “How do you know you love me now? You’ve spent the last day telling and showing me the opposite.”
“I know you, Mel. I know who you are as a person. I know how you love with everything in you, and how you make us all better. I know how you’re fiercely independent, but you let us help you. You’re amazing, you always were, and that’s never going to change.” With every word he says, we draw closer together. Involuntarily. Like our bodies are tired of fighting to be apart.
“Reis,” I gently sigh his name, my voice edged with nerves. “I’m not the girl that you loved before. These years have been hard, and I’ve fallen, over and over.”
I can’t pretend to be this pristine person. The shy, innocent girl that they all loved before. Through the trauma, some hard lines have formed. Some shitty experiences produced some shitty coping mechanisms.
