Page 58 of On The Edge
Did I?
“I made it clear, all through school, that she was off-limits. Anytime I heard petty shit, I shut it down. Made it so no one fucked with her,” My voice booms, but cracks with emotion. I clear my throat. “No, I made it clear. No one was to mess with her. She’s just lying.”
“That just meant that no one fucked with herin frontof us. But jealous high school girls can be cruel. Horny, jealous high school boys can be dangerously stupid,” Kai says sharply. “We were stupid.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. My heart beats uncomfortably fast. A cold sweat forms over my skin.No. No, please. No, I can’t…
I feel like the memories playing in my mind are tainted. Like I can’t trust them. Memory after memory floods my brain.
Melody, walking into the classroom on the rare occurrence one of us couldn’t walk with her and red-ringed eyes.
Melody, looking over her shoulder, crossing her arms over herself protectively as all the girls came out of the locker room after gym class.
Melody, keeping her head down as I watched her walk across the cafeteria, only looking up and smiling when she got close to us.
Now that I’m looking back, every single memory of Melody in high school has something like that. Where she looked upset until in our presence.
Why didn’t she say anything?
Why didn’t I notice?
I noticed everything else about her. My obsession ran so deep.
“It makes sense,” Markus says. “Adam and I talked to her too. She didn’t say that explicitly, but she made it clear it was hard back then. That we were the only good thing to happen to her in high school.”
“Until we fucked it all up. Because of you,” Adam snaps angrily.
Adam’s changing before my eyes. He’s so emotional, protective, and willing to stand up now. All because she came back into our lives. I look at each of them, noticing the small changes in each of them. It’s like they’re waking up again.
All because of her.
All because she came back. Not for lack of me trying to keep us apart.
Fuck. I’ve screwed up everything.
Stepping back, Adam drops his hold on me just in time for me to fall to my knees. Agony and guilt pull me under, and I can’t fight it. I don’t deserve to.
The guys stand around me with varying looks of anger, understanding, and frustration.
“I didn’t know,” I choke out. My throat feels like it’s closing, my fingers slip into my hair, and I pull at the roots painfully.
This whole time, I thought she was using us. I thought she was a self-centered bitch who was mocking us behind our backs…
“I didn’t know,” I repeat softer.
“Well,” Adam says, clicking his tongue. “You better fix this, Reis. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that I won’t be without her any longer. Because of your dumb fucking teenage decision and our stupid loyalty, we’ve lost six years,six years, with her. Because of you, weabandoned herin the middle of the fucking night without even a conversation. Because of you, weleft herto drown with those assholes.”
Each word he snarls at me is a punch to the gut. Guilt eats at me; a weight pressing down on my chest that I can’t get away from. I gasp for breath that doesn’t come. A dark pit settles in my stomach, and my hand goes to my torso to try and keep myself from bleeding out.
Adam shakes his head, looking down on me with disgust before walking out of the room.
“I’m sorry,” I cry through quick gasps. Markus runs a hand through his hair, and takes his guitar off before setting it on its stand.
“Fix it, man. Figure out how to make it right with her. If that’s even possible. We all have to make it up to her. This is just as much our fault as it is yours.” Markus gives me a disappointed look and presses his lips into a thin line before following Adam.
Kai doesn’t leave. He stays and watches as I fall apart. I don’t know why he stays, what I’ve done to us all is awful.
Tears fall down my face as everything barrels over me and runs me over. What I’ve done. I doubt I’ll be able to fix this properly, and honestly, I don’t blame them if I can’t. I don’t let a cry or a sob leave my throat, I hold in my pain.
