Page 141 of On The Edge
I swallow all the tears, all the nausea, all the devastation threatening to pull me under and I’m fucking determined to leave this with my head held high.
“I’ll need to get my stuff.”
“I already had it packed and ready for you.” Louis nods, holding his hand out to the side for me to follow. My eyes line with tears so heavy it’s hard to see. So instead, I nod, grab my tablet and follow him with my head down.
“You don’t have to worry about anything now… except getting home. I wasn’t able to get you a flight back to Oklahoma, but I’m sure they can sort you out at the airport. However, I was able to get all of your belongings from their New York apartment already relocated back to the apartment you were renting in Haven. Lucky you, they hadn’t found a new tenant yet. I’ll have Paul get you a ride to the airport.” Louis escorts me from backstage and the tears roll down my face silently.How fucking efficient.“Here’s your suitcase and your backpack. I made sure your purse had your electronics, passport and all that stuff.” He gestures towards the corner where, low and behold, there is my stuff.
Packed and ready to go.
“Paul, to the front,” Louis says into his walkie-talkie and within moments Paul appears.
“Melody is going home. She’s come to her senses and has decided to respect the band's wishes. Please drop her off at theairport and she’ll figure it out from there,” He explains to Paul, who goes from annoyed at being ordered around to shocked, his eyes locking onto me. I can feel his gaze, but I just can’t meet his eyes.
Everyone must have been in on it…
Everyone must have known.
I was just a play thing. The passing fad.
“Well, Melody,” Louis turns to me, pulling a form out of his back pocket. “I can’t say it was good. Sign here. It’s just the standard NDA I have all their conquests sign. Extra protection, you know?” What a fucking asshole. Just kicking me when I’m down. I take the pen from his hand and sign the document quickly before throwing the pen at him. “Get home safe,” he mutters before he turns on his heel and leaves.
There’s a beat of silence as I stare at the ground and I can’t feel anything except for anguish.
“Let’s go,” Paul says softly, picking up my backpack and handing it to me, while pulling the handle up for the small rolling bag.
I spentthe whole drive with tears running down my face, my stomach threatening to toss anything I still had in my system, and flip-flopping between embarrassed, used, angry and sad. It was a long drive, but I know from experience that this feeling? It’s going to be sticking around for longer than a drive. And this time? This time I know just how it feels to be loved by them, even if it was fake.
I don’t know how I’ll recover.
Paul pulls up to the departure gate and puts the car in park. I barely realize it, to be honest. I’m too sucked into this emotional hell.
The only silver lining I can see is thattheyso badly want to keep what we had a secret that no one will know. This embarrassment and rejection won’t ever go public. It won’t be like high school.
“Can I ask what happened?” Paul asks softly. “You all seemed so happy. The guys, they’ve been happier and more lively than I’ve ever seen them, and I’ve been with them for the last few years.”
“They want me gone.” My voice… My voice sounds so hollow even to my own ears, but I don’t have emotional energy to care.
“Are you sure?”
“As sure as seeing the message they sent to Louis. As sure as seeing my bags packed with everything I brought with me by the door while Louis was kicking me out. As sure as hearing that Louis already relocated me back to Oklahoma again becausetheyrequested it. They can’t be any clearer, except if they had actually said the words with their own mouths. But that’s not their style, is it? They never want to see me as they fucking shatter me. It’d be too much guilt for them to bear. The cowards,” I spit through tears. I turn to Paul then, and give him a quick hug. “Thank you for being the only kind one on this hell ride. I hope it all goes well for you,” I tell him quickly and then get out of the car, rushing inside the airport as quickly as I can.
I’m done.
I’m… broken. And I don’t know if there’s any fixing myself this time.
THIRTY-EIGHT
There’sa moment betweenThrough TimeandSunset Skieswhere I can grab a drink and check on Mel, and that’s when shit hits the fan. The guys always tease me that being the front man must be the best; all the attention, all the eyes on me, all the fans screaming for me, blah, blah, blah.
But honestly? It’s hard.
It’s really fucking hard.
I’m in charge of providing a good show for everyone. I’m hyper aware they’ve paid good money to come see us and have a great time. The others, they don’t have the equal pull that I do and so I take it on myself to make sure it’s a good show. That means my focus can’t be pulled from the privilege given to me.
When I walk to the side to get some water, I don’t see Mel and my heart beats a little faster with nerves.
“We don’t know where she is,” Markus says quickly after walking over to me. “Adam says she’s been gone sinceNever Again.”
