Page 157 of On The Edge
“That wasn’t me, baby, I swear,” Reis pleads with me, setting his hand on my ankle, squeezing just enough that I know his heart is tightening in his chest.
“I fucking saw it!” I scream, pulling my leg from their hands. “Stop touching me!”
“We saw it, too. And it was a message he doctored to look like I’d sent it. We found the original on the tablet and the different versions he’d saved before making the one you saw as the tablet background. Louis was a cunning motherfucker but we figured it out, Songbird,” Markus quickly explains, running his hand through his hair, all while staring at me with those big brown eyes.
My heart beats uncomfortably.
Like itdesperatelywants to believe what they’re saying.
They must read my hesitation after that because they all start talking.
“We tried to cancel the rest of the tour to come get you, but management had our hands tied,” Reis starts.
“We tried contacting you, stalking every single social media account. Going so far as to use Paul’s social media to try and keep tabs on you. You were so quick to block us, but we needed to know you were safe,” Markus adds.
“We fired Louis, kicking his ass on the way out. He won’t work in the industry again. I’m so fucking sorry we didn’t do it sooner,” Kai murmurs, looking down at his hands.
“We love you.All of us. We love you so fucking much. We feel like we were lost without you. If Paul hadn’t told us that you didn’t want to leave, we might have believed you wanted to go like Louis told us. But Paul clued us in, and we knew. We knewyou didn’t want to leave. But by the time we could get to you, you were gone. We were blocked. We called everyone to try and get eyes on you. Please, believe us when we say welove youso much it fucking hurts.” Adam breathes in sharply through his nose and his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows hard.
“How can I trust that? How can I trust that you aren’t going anywhere? Huh?” I look at each of them pointedly. “Each time we’ve come to a turning point, I’ve been dropped. Discarded. How can I trust that you actually love me and that the next time something happens, I will beheldinstead of pushed aside?”
They all look at me with a mix of heartbreak and determination.
But I cannot care.
I can’t.
“We didn’t?—”
“Please, leave.” I can’t do this.
I can’t.
I can’t.
“Sync, Melody, stop.” Kai’s voice cuts through the voice in my head. His hands come up and grab mine as I finally feel my fingers pressing into my eyes painfully.
“Please leave,” I whisper.
“Melody–” Reis starts, but I throw my arms up and push out of the couch. Fuck fainting this time; I’m going to do this by pure spite if I need to. I stand up, stepping to the other side of the wall of men, and stand as strongly as I can. My legs wobble and my knees feel weak, but I’m going to do this. Prove to them—and myself—that I can.
I lived without them before, I can do it again.
Everything is going to be dimmer, duller, darker, but I know I can survive. The sooner they leave, the sooner I can get started on healing. If that’s even fucking possible.
“Please, don’t fall,” they all mutter. Four sets of hands dart out to grab me, but I slip out of their grips again.
“I’m going to go to the other room.” I point with a shaky finger towards the bedroom I know isn’t set up in the slightest. Hopefully there’s a mattress I can collapse on. “And by the time I get back, I expect you all to be gone.”
I turn my back on the four sets of eyes filled with hurt, disappointment and the quiet flame of determination that I know says that my dismissal of them only makes them want to fight more.
“Groceries are here!”I’m yanked from sleep by Markus calling through the apartment and the front door closing. The resounding ‘Shhhh’s’ I hear make me chuckle before my brain fully wakes up and I remember that I’m fuming at them.
And now they’re not listening to me?! Not respecting my choices?!
I push up off the bare mattress I was sleeping on, on the floor, and fight the wave of darkness threating to pull me under again. I need to eat. I need to drink something.
I need to get high to escape this bullshit.
