Page 9 of From My Past
As I passed the end of the small, darkened hallway, I stopped and looked at the last picture on the wall. One taken of me at the party, standing by myself but only half of myself was visible. The photo had to be cropped to ensure that Luca didn’t find the rest of the picture and punish me for having a photo of another man. Especially a man that had such an impact on me, like Kieron did. I was wearing fishnet tights and my cropped black band shirt, confident and wild. Free.
It was one of the only photos I have of myself in college and I love it. I love what it represents and the memory associated with it. I had pull him aside before we went back to my place and begged for a picture. With a broad smile, Kieron had agreed, asking his friend to snap one on both our phones.
The photo itself was blurry but I took in every detail. My cheeks were flushed, an obvious indicator that I was tipsy. But what really got me, every single time I look at it, is the smile on my face. It’s pure. I looked like I felt I belonged, finally. A feeling that I hadn’t felt in forever at that point. My eyes latch onto the fingers gripping my hip tightly in the photo and I thank my lucky stars that Kieron was wearing rings on his fingers. His thick middle and index fingers were adorned with heavy silver bands.
When Luca saw this picture, he was convinced that I was posing with a girl just based on the rings. And I have never corrected him, nor will I ever. I cut the photo before he ever saw the whole thing. If he knew who the owner of that hand was really, he would freak out.
And I would be in pain.
Back when we first got together, Luca’s freakouts weren’t so bad. But over the course of the two years we have been together, it’s gotten really bad. And after the incident with my sister… I owed him, and he knew it. I never thought I would have to get good at doing makeup in order to hide bruises from the outside world.
“Luca?” I called out again, my voice cracking slightly with the nerves. It wasn’t a good sign that he hadn’t come to bed after I had. It meant he was fuming in his rage and I would be hurting soon.
“In here, amore.” My boyfriend-turned-jailor said in an overtly false calm tone from the kitchen where he sat at the beaten-up kitchen table I’d found at a garage sale. He was staring down at his white porcelain espresso cup, softly tracing the rim. Over and over again.
Luca looks every bit the Italian dreamboat he presented himself to be. He wasn’t very tall, but he made up for his height in muscle mass. If there was one thing that you could always count on, it would be that Luca would rise with the sun and spend hours at the gym, pumping iron.
Today was no different. He sat in the wooden chair, equally as beaten up as the table, a glass of water in front of him next to his coffee cup.
“How are you feeling, darling?” I stopped dead in my tracks. His thickly accented words sent a shiver down my spine as I felt like I was being electrocuted by him. Dread filled my body with the question he posed. To anyone else it would be an innocent question from a doting boyfriend to his girlfriend. But to us…to us it meant something far more sinister.
It meant that what was going to happen was going to happen and I was powerless to change it.
“Please,” I whispered.
“You are awfully shy now. Not last night when you drank your weight in tequila and ignored your duties? Don’t you remember that your body is mine to do what I please?” He said calmly, too calmly. He still wasn’t making eye contact with me but when he said I’d ignored his needs, I knew. His eyes snap to mine and I could see the anger at being rejected flare to life. It was one of his rules; that I’m always welcoming and open with my body, but I have to be wasted to even stomach kissing him anymore.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper, letting the blonde tresses fall around my face for some kind of barrier.
“It’s too late!” He roared, the chair scraping against the floor and the cups of liquid were thrown because of the force of him shoving the chair.
I wish I could say I wasn’t scared anymore, but even after all this time; I was still cowering. I was doing whatever it took to get by without pain, without punishment, that had become a near daily constant.
“Please, Luca, let’s talk. I didn’t…I didn’t do it on purpose.” I said, lying through my teeth, with a much calmer tone than I was feeling inside. Putting my hands up in front of me and slowly walking backward. It was one similar to what a lion tamer might do when trying to keep the beast back while the tamer got to safety.
“It’s too late for that, darling. You broke the rules, rejected me, kept me from what was mine and all while destroying your body. You’re lucky I am so disgusted by you and the state you were in otherwise I would have justtakenwhat I wanted.” His chest expanded and deflated so quickly, a sure sign that he’s extremely angry. My heart beat even faster, my fight-or-flight response kicking up a notch. Looking around me, I tried to find somewhere to hide.
“You know that it helps me sleep…” My eyes clocked the open bathroom door right next to our small living room and I started inching towards it as inconspicuously as possible.
“You’re so gross. God, why do I even keep you around? I spent so long trying to train you to be an acceptable girlfriend and you still cannot do anything right.” His words dripped venom, designed to attack me but I’d stopped caring what he said to me a long time ago. All I cared about was finding a way out.
“Why do you? If you don’t want me then why can’t I just leave? You’ll never have to see me ever again.” I cried, tears were starting to build as they lined my eyes and my head started to pound harder from my hangover and now this.
“Because, you’re still mine. Until I don’t want you anymore. Until you’re destroyed for any other. Until you pay me back for what I did for your sister.” He said slowly with a smile that promised so much pain. “Or, I could take the file on what I have about your sister to the police. She’ll only get 25 to life in prison.”
“No!”
“It’s your choice. Your poor dumb sister. Thinking she could get away with murder in cold blood. Stupid, stupid girl. But I guess that stupidity runs in the family. At least she’s pretty. Unlike you.” He said with a snarl, his cup falling from the table as he stands, pushing up from the chair so quickly it knocked over.
“She did what she needed to do!” I yell at him and take another step, inching backward.
“But she did it so sloppy. So sloppy that you had to call on me. Isn’t that right?” He said with a smile that sent chills down my spine. His lips were pulled up over his teeth and he looked like he truly was a wild animal I had to inch away from.
“Isn’t that right?!” He yelled in my face, causing me to cower. His hand came down hard on the wall next to him. Luca always,alwaysexpected an answer.
“Yes.” I whisper, the tears in my eyes fall over and track down my cheeks. I’m so tired. So tired of this.
“You’re going to be with me forever. You owe me and you owe my family and you fucking know it.”
