Page 4 of From My Past
“Direct?”
“I was going to say bitchy, but I like direct better so let’s go with that.” I laughed and took another drink. I didn’t need to say that most people found me bitchy no matter what. But that was the price I paid for trying to break free of people’s assumptions of me.
“I like it. There are too many fake people in the world. Say what you mean and mean what you say, is what I live by. That’s actually one small reason of the many reasons I’m not a brother anymore.” Kieron leaned back against the fence, kicking his feet out to relax. He looked so…rocker with a soft side. His tight black, ripped jeans showcased his strong thighs that looked like they were products of hours at the gym. He had on a black belt that met his Heather navy shirt that was fitted so nicely to his torso. I tried my best not to stare so obviously at him, but I wanted to really see him.
“I agree. People like to hide behind niceties and small talk, but no one really wants to show their true colors. God, I hate the politics game in almost everything. If you don’t like me, stay away or talk shit to my face, don’t pretend to be my friend and then talk shit behind my back. I always kept to myself after being burned one to many times. It’s one of the reasons I sucked so hard at high school. I didn’t want to play the popularity game.” The entire time I was talking, venting, ranting, Kieron just stared at me like I was a breath of fresh air.
“That’s so interesting to me. Most girls I meet, or rather met, at these kinds of parties were all about climbing the social ladder.”
“Well, I’m not most girls.”
“I can tell.” He said with a smirk, his eyes shining in the twinkle lights. He looked at me as if he wanted to devour me whole. Take me someplace private and have his way with me. But underneath that overly cocky, well perfected-womanizer look, was genuine interest and awe. Something I wasn’t used to from men who looked like him.
“You mean that in a good way, I hope.” I said, looking down into my cup instead of making myself look into his eyes.
“The best.” He whispered. I could feel him shift his body so that he was closer to me in a shy position; there wasn’t any space between our legs as he shifted closer to me, our thighs touching. Kieron turned into me and smiled; a sweet, shy smile and we both took another drink.
The guys that I have met in the past, they act genuine with me. They act like they care and want to get to know me, but there is always a feeling. Iknowthey aren’t being genuine but are only acting. They are fully aware that they are going to hit it and quit it, but they play as if they truly want to make a connection. I usually just ignore that when I actually want to hook up, but with Kieron…this connection feels solid. He doesn’t seem to be trying to simply get into bed with me. At least not yet.
“So where do you work? I heard you tell that guy that you were at work before this?” I take a drink, effectively breaking the bubble of tension and chemistry that had been building.
“Yeah, I graduated last year but Trent still keeps in touch. He’s a junior and he was my surrogate little brother while I was here. I work for my dad.” He said. His fingers were tracing the rim of his cup absentmindedly.
“Does he own his own business?” I ask.
“You could say that. I’m working my way through the lower-level positions right now. Grunt work and some really nasty situations.” His head hangs a bit as he looks anywhere but me “Some things I’m really not proud of.”
“That sounds ominous.” I chuckle weakly.
He looks at me with surprise, like he let his guard down unintentionally.
“It’s frustrating. Because I want to be able to work for my father, but I don’t want to run the business like he did. People see me and they know my family and assume that I have to be a certain way, the way they are, but maybe that’s not what I want. Why should I do something just to make others happy and myself miserable?”
The look on his face was like everything I had ever felt and still feel. The judgement from others, the assumption, the pressure to be a certain way. I get how he felt completely. Assumptions, that was the problem. With men, with women, with everyone. They took one look at you and judged you making it a million times harder to get anything done.
I took another drink from my cup and let the liquid burn down my throat. He moved away from me just slightly, leaning over so his forearms rested on his knees and one of his hands went to rub at the back of his head. He looked so…defeated almost. As if he was fighting a losing battle but giving it his all.
“I get it.” I whispered and put my hand on his shoulder.
“Do you?”
“I do, believe it or not. I’m in school to be an engineer, I want to build engines and design planes. I used to look like all those sorority girls out there and every single time I would go to apply to join clubs in high school or even interview at jobs to beef up my college application, I got laughed at. They would actually laugh at me.” I lean back and cross my arms over my chest, closing in on myself even more. “Or made crude comments. Or condescending ones. They didn’t think I looked like I knew what I was doing so I proved them wrong. I made myself into the roughed up, confident and serious version of myself to make sure that no one ever fucked with me and my dreams again. I let myself bewhoandhowI wanted. I’m not usually in an outfit like this.” I said gesturing to my outfit and face that I had spent an hour painstakingly painting on.
“What do you normally dress like?” Kieron said after a moment of appreciating my legs wrapped in fishnets and my crop top that exposed a sliver of skin at my waist.
“I’m usually in baggy clothes and no makeup. I work on engines as much as I can so most of my clothing has grease stains on it. I get looks from the girly-girls of pity and just completely ignored from the guys. But, I’m a better engineer and designer than all those motherfuckers I’m in classes with and that’s what matters.”
“I’m sure you are. Don’t you feel like you shouldn’t have changed anything?” Kieron asked me, no judgement coming from him. Just genuine curiosity.
“Like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde?” I rolled my eyes and took another drink. My cup was getting low and I was feeling it. Kieron laughed loudly, his joy being infectious and making me smile back.
“That wasn’t exactly what I was thinking, but sure.”
“The difference is that Elle was trying to hide her true self in order to do something for someone else. I am letting my true self free in order to accomplish my dream. I’ve never been the cheerleader or sorority type. I’m just me.”
“Something tells me there is nothing ‘just’ about you.” He said and nudged his shoulder with mine.
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