Page 37 of From My Past
“Do you not want to kiss me?” I ask, inching closer to his warmth on the couch.
“I do, very badly. I have for years. And now that I have you, I want nothing more than to tear your clothes off and worship you like I should have been doing for years.” He looks at me and I could see the fire, the want, the desire, burning brightly within him.
I wanted that. Him. All of it, anything he will give me.
I was also terrified.
“I saw how you reacted to the kiss in the elevator. I never want you to be scared, or flinch, or feel like you need to retreat into your mind ever again. Especially because of something I did.” He said, his expression turning guilty. His dark brown eyes were thoughtful as he smoothed his beard down and then put his hand behind me to rest on the back of the couch.
“You don’t have to feel bad about that.” I whispered. “It was just a reflex.”
“A reflex you’ve been trained to have because of someone hurting you and forcing you to do things. I don’t ever want you to feel that way with me. I want to bring you happiness and safety, love and passion. I want you to feel like you. The good, the bad and the determined.” He smiled at me. I moved close enough to him that our sweatpants-covered thighs were touching.
“I’m sorry.”
“Please, don’t be sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to you before. That reminds me, I need to knee-cap the jackass motherfucker that decided that you being with Luca Garzino was an alright idea and didn’t tell me.” Kieron’s expression turned completely furious, murderous even. I’m so used to Luca’s raging, his violence and throwing, that Kieron seemed almost serene as he sat by me; breathing heavily and clenching his fist on his knee.
“It’s my-”
“I swear to god, Talia, if you say it is your fault that that motherfucker abused you and that the PI solider I put on your watch didn’t have any fucking common sense to realize what was happening to you, I will scream.” He said, his words coming out quickly and passionately.
“Okay.”
“I promise you, none of this is your fault. Not one thing.”
I so badly wanted to kiss him, wanted to relive the moment from the elevator and climb onto his lap and devour him. But I couldn’t.
Not yet.
“Okay,” I said softly. “I believe you.”
The look on his face when those three words left my mouth was enough to make my heart feel lighter and brighter than it had in… years.
“You do?”
“I do.” I said, feeling more confident by the minute.
Kieron and I sit there for a moment, letting the enormity of what I’d just admitted and decided on sink in.
“Good.” He said with a smile and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer to his body so I could lean on his chest while we waited for the pizza.
* * *
I had forgotten what being full felt like. I had forgotten how amazing pepperoni pizza tastes.
Kieron had ordered two pizzas and breadsticks for us to share and was very encouraging whenever I started eyeing the box for another slice. I tried to not let the insecurities get the best of me.
Luca was never shy about telling me just how horrendous he found my body and how he was hiding and restricting food for me for my own good.
“No one wants to look at a fat slob. Much less live with one.” He would say it over and over. Then the taunts got worse and more cutting. “If you put one more bite of food into your mouth, I swear to fuck you will regret it. Can’t you see yourself? Aren’t you disgusted? I’m disgusted and I have to look at you. God, it makes me sick. Just look at yourself!” He would scream and throw my plate across the room, throwing food everywhere.
I shook off the memory and grounded myself with Kieron, looking at the monstrous TV that was playing some car-chase movie.
“I’m full.” I said and pushed the half-eaten pizza away from me, falling back on the couch.
“Okay, well I’ll put the leftovers in the fridge before I leave and you can snack on it whenever you want. Sound okay?” He asked, sitting up and throwing a crust onto his empty pizza box. That man could put some food away. Granted, he was like 6’5” and covered with muscle. All that muscle needed food to grow.
I nodded and pulled my long hair back into a ponytail.
