Page 86 of Sawyer
I shake my head, stomach rolling with nausea once again.“No… I don’t think so.”
“Why don’t you go get her and take her home.Both of you probably need showers, a good sleep, and to talk.I will call you with any updates, keep you in the loop on things.”
“If I think of anything else, I’ll let you know,” I tell him as I stand.
“Oh, and Sawyer?Probably a good thing that you don’t leave town.”
“Am I a person of interest in this?”My eyes narrow.
“Until we get some leads, everyone is.”
While it grates me that he thinks I have something to do with this, the guilt of bringing my past monster to Annabelle’s doorstep almost cripples me.My chest tightens, my stomach clenching every time I think about it.
“Good.Cover all bases.”
I want no stone unturned.I give him a nod before I walk out of the station, feeling like the world is crashing down on me.The sun is bright, and I lift my eyes to my truck and balk.Because there, in the parking lot, are Connor and Tanner, waiting for me.Being the support to me that this town now provides, and I’ve never been more grateful for it.
39
Annabelle
This has been the longest week of my life.After Sawyer finally came back to the hospital and we were both discharged, we picked up Noah and came home.Not without a heated discussion.Sawyer wanted us all to stay with him, and I fought for us all to come back to the farm.He thought we would be safer with him, but I didn’t want anyone to run me from my home.So he relented, packed a bag, and he’s been staying with us all week.
The house, of course, was a mess, evidence of our sickness spread throughout, and as Sawyer attempted to return calls and catch up on emails at my new dining room table, I tried to soothe the boys’ fears and get us all back to normal.Or our new normal.Which now consists of looking over my shoulder every five minutes.
And while Sawyer hasn’t left physically, he hasn’t really been here mentally.He’s drowned himself in work, bent over backward for me and the boys, but it’s all done with a very firm armor of self-loathing.We’ve talked a little, so I know he thinks this is all connected to his past fiancée, Mandy.But that was years ago, and I fail to see how it would be his fault.I don’t know what this means for us, and the thought that this might derail what we started festers inside me.The soft touches we’ve shared, the passing kisses and affection, they’ve all stopped, and my heart aches, knowing he’s putting emotional distance between us because of fear of him being responsible for our issues.Fear of me leaving him because he brings danger to my door.Just like Mandy did.
Now, as I dig in the dirt, trying to get my lavender cuttings in the soil so that my harvest for the next year isn’t a total loss, I look up for the hundredth time, watching Kevin and Noah finish the milking, my eyes on them both now more than ever before.The new rules at the farm are that everyone has to stay within sight.No one can run around, play hide and seek, or be anywhere without anyone else.Much to Noah’s sulking.
As the boys lock up the shed, I watch them run down the hill to where I am, and I smile.I haven’t smiled much this week, but I need to show them we are okay, even though I don’t believe it.
“All done, Ma,” Kevin says, slightly out of breath.
“All done, Maaaa.”Noah’s also breathless, his little legs taking him a touch longer to get to me.
“Good.Thanks, boys.I’m nearly finished here.”
Kevin starts to help, and Noah digs in the dirt.The wind is calm, the sun is high, and it feels nice, being on my land, with my boys, albeit still lingering with nerves.
I look up and around again and spot Sawyer.Stressed?Yes.Had little sleep?Also, yes.But he’s still suited up, looking well out of place like he always has.Even though he stays every night, he’s ridiculously underprepared for farm life.But I know he’s still working on the deal for Gertie’s, having emailed the final proposal to Van Cleef only yesterday.So while my hands are in the dirt, he’s taking care of the business side of things, and our fingers are crossed that we’ll get some good news soon.
“You know, you look so beautiful when you dig around in the dirt,” he says as he approaches, and I pause, looking up at him.
“You really need to get out more, if that’s the case.”I laugh lightly, and he smiles.It’s small, but it’s there.
“I really wish you would come to my place.Stay with Sutton and me until this all blows over.”He says the same words he says to me every day.
“I’m not letting whatever is going on push me from my home.I’ve lived here all my life, and if I ever leave it, it will be my choice, not one I’ve made under duress.”
He nods, having heard it all before.
“Stubborn.Sexy, but stubborn.”I smile at that.Liking that he’s acting a little more like himself.My heart stutters, hoping he’s coming back around, hoping that I haven’t lost him.
“How’s it going?Do you think it will take?”He comes to where we’re digging, looking over the replanting I’ve done.
“Looks hopeful.But if I had more space, I would do another crop just in case.Worst case, they both don’t grow.Best case, they both grow, and I have a lot of product.”I stand, wiping my dirty hands on my jeans.The kids wander in front of us, packing up and sorting things for me.My hair flies in my face as the breeze picks up, and his hand lifts, pushing it from my cheek and behind my ear.He hasn’t touched me like this all week, and it makes my stomach flutter.
“Well, you’ve got two hundred acres waiting for you.Bob has signed it all over today.That land is now ours.”He offers me a small smile, which doesn’t reach his eyes.
