Page 79 of Sawyer
“Swim!”Noah’s smile takes up his whole face.
“You have a pool?”Kevin asks in disbelief.
“We don’t have any swimsuits…” Annabelle says to me, head tilted.
“Well, the weather is nice and, yes, Kevin, there’s a pool out back.And as far as swimsuits go, there are some in the clothes I got you all.”
“Can we, Ma?Please?”Kevin asks immediately, and I look at Annabelle, loving how she says yes without hesitation and digs right into her pancakes.I know she’ll probably need to get back to the farm and that I’m just delaying the inevitable.But I don’t want them to leave.Not yet.Or ever.
As the kids start excitedly talking to her and over each other, my cell rings, and I grab it, seeing it’s one of my managers from the New York office.My stomach sinks.
“Oh, this might not be good.”I kiss her on the top of her head and walk out to take the call.
It’s brief, another emergency that I need to go to the city to handle, the type of jobs we’re doing seemingly not going as well as they usually do.But I know this is the game I play.I’ve just never noticed before, because I’ve never had anything else occupying my time.
I end the call, knowing I need to pack and get on my jet.Walking back into the kitchen to the kids still excited about swimming, I release a heavy sigh.
“Everything alright?”Annabelle asks.She sees it in my eyes.She knows I need to go.
“Sorry, I can’t swim today.I need to fly out,” I tell them, and Kevin immediately sinks back into his chair.
“But I want to swim?”Noah says sadly, and I feel like shit.God, leaving their mom even for a day kills me, but that look in his eyes.The one full of disappointment, and knowing I put it there, it kills me even more.
“We can swim another day.Sawyer has to fly back to the city now for work, and we all need to get back to the farm and do the same.But it’s almost summer, so there will be lots of other days we can swim.Why don't you both go and clean up your room and grab your things so we are ready,” Annabelle tells them, while I hang my head in shame for letting them all down.
“I’m sorry.”I don’t want to deal with the bullshit.I want to stay here.I scrub my hand down my face.I need to make some decisions, and I need to make them quickly.
“Don’t be sorry.We know you need to go.You’re busy; you have important things to do.”
“Youare important.The boysare important.”
She offers me a small smile, and I wonder how in the world I can ever beat this and what I can do to make this more permanent.
“Sawyer, work is important to you.I know you have an office here now, but I also know you’ll need to travel.We’ve already said we’ll just have to figure it out.It’s okay.”
While I appreciate her understanding, it still does very little to erase the disappointment I just saw in all their eyes.
“Connor flies into New York once a month for a week and then spends three weeks here.Maybe I can do something like that.”
“One week or one day, I’ll miss you all the same.”She looks up at me sweetly, and I smile, slipping my arms around her, never wanting to let her go.
“Why don’t you stay here while I’m gone?Just go and check on the farm briefly each day, but sleep here?”I suggest, but she’s already shaking her head.
“We’ll be fine, Sawyer.You have to go back to the city, and we have to go back to the farm.”
I hate that our little bubble has burst already.
“I’d feel better if you stayed here…”
“The farm is our home, and I have too much to do.”
Nodding, I hold her tight to my chest as I take a deep breath.As much as I want this, I have no idea how I can keep leaving her when it already hurts this much.Something’s gotta give.
35
Annabelle
This morning has flown by, which is unexpected for a Monday.After a great night at Sawyer’s, the kids and I felt rested.The little break has done wonders for all of us.
