Page 69 of Sawyer
“You can stick with me, Annabelle.Us girls will hit the dance floor without them,” Daisy offers.
“Sounds fun?”I say hesitantly, because I love to dance, but I wonder if I still remember how.
“See you later,” Connor says, before they both walk over to the pool tables, where I see Tanner and Victoria playing and another guy who looks like one of their friends.
“So, burgers?Steaks?What do you feel like?”Sawyer looks over the menu, and we decide the burgers are what we feel like, the waitress taking our orders and leaving us to it.
“Are you feeling alright?”Sawyer grabs my hand over the table.
“I’m actually feeling pretty good.”I feel light and free for the first time in what feels like forever.I’m not on the farm, scared out of my mind.The kids are safe and happy, having the time of their lives with a real-life movie star.We’re staying at Sawyer’s place tonight, giving us some space from our nightly terrors, and I’m on a date with a man I think I might be falling in love with.I chew my bottom lip, thinking about it all.
“You look pretty good too, Mama.You look beautiful tonight.”
“This ol’ thing?”I joke about my dress, although it isn’t really a joke.I estimate this dress is probably about ten years old.I found it in my old dresser from when I used to wear it as a teen, thanking the gods that it still fits.
“You’d look good in anything.”There’s molten heat in his gaze that has my stomach doing a flip-flop.He lifts my hand, then brings it to his lips, kissing me on the inside of my wrist, and a delightful shiver ripples down my spine.I look him over then, seeing him a little more settled into himself.While changing from a suit is obvious, it’s more than that.It’s like he has evolved, the way he is around people now, more welcoming, more warmth.His shirtsleeves are rolled up, showcasing his strong arms, giving him a more relaxed, casual vibe.He may sit behind a desk all day, but his physique rivals any man who works on the land.
I clear my throat, my body feeling hot, and try and get us on to balanced ground.He’s already got me turned on, and our date has barely started.
“So how long is your brother staying with you?”I ask, just as our food appears, and we start to dig in.
“He’s going to lie low for a while.The press are after him, so he needs seclusion until things calm down,” Sawyer says cryptically, but I pick up what he’s saying.
“It must be hard, living in the spotlight like that.”My life is basically seclusion, but I’m not running from anything, so I wonder for the first time why I’m hiding away so much.
“What’s the frown for?”Sawyer’s always alert to my emotions.
“It’s just…” My lips purse, trying to get a handle on my thoughts.“Well, it isn’t until now, until tonight, that I realize I’ve been pretty secluded as well.”
He watches me with interest, waiting for me to continue.
“I mean, I knew, kind of.I live way out of town, I’m busy, but now that we are out and about with baseball and being here tonight… I was nervous coming here, nervous what people would think or say, but…” I look around, seeing everyone back to their own conversations, and the few people who catch my eye give me warm smiles and a wave.It’s nice.Welcoming.
“But what?”he asks.
“But maybe I’m not doing it right.”I shake my head, taking a deep breath before sharing, “Steve always said not to let people in.Outsiders were never welcome into our business or onto our farm.”
“He kept you small,” Sawyer grits out.
“I was home all the time with Kevin when he was just a baby, and Steve barely let me leave for doctor appointments.”I’ve never told anyone any of this before, the release of information feeling cathartic.
There’s anger in Sawyer’s gaze as he says, “It’s a manipulation tactic.”
I bite my lip, seeing the reality of that now.“I just didn’t know any different.I didn’t know that…” I look around again, the colors and noise in the bar so vibrant and loud, making me feel alive.
“He made you think that being out on that farm was what you needed to do,” Sawyer adds for me, and I nod.
“It’s my livelihood, and I love it, but…” I see Bob over in the corner, and he’s both a farmer and owner of a business.Then I spot Tina and Tim having dinner, both of them farmers with a business and kids too.They’re all out here, living life, not hiding away, hiding from everyone.
“Maybe I’ve been holding back.Maybe I’ve been holding the boys back.Maybe I…” I start to feel a little panicked that I’ve done my sons a disservice.
“You’re an awesome mom.You’re allowed to do life on your own terms, and you’re allowed to change those terms any fucking time you want,” Sawyer says with so much conviction, I feel it in my bones.
“I… I think I know that now…”
Sawyer releases a heavy breath, his thumb rubbing back and forth on my hand in a soothing motion.“I probably should take my own advice.”
I tilt my head.“How so?”
